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How and when to tell your partner?

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  • How and when to tell your partner?

    First off I got to confess that I have never dated or had sex before so if at any point I'm not making sense it's because I have no experience to speak from.

    With that out of the way I want to know how and when to tell your partner that you are restoring your foreskin, I have been kind of looking around at trying online dating and I have had a few chats here and there but I have this fear that once I tell my partner that I'm restoring that they will be disgusted or want me to stop restoring. I have seen a few guys in this forum and on Tally's forum that have had partners or spouses that don't like them tugging and I really don't want to have a relationship go south just because I am trying to grow back a piece of dickskin that shouldn't have been removed in the first place!

    I want to be able to somehow have a honest serious conversation with a possible partner and explain to them what I'm doing and why but I don't want to necessarily drag them down the rabbit hole of intactivism, I want it to be to the point, factual and simple, I want them to respect my decision to fix myself and not laugh at me or be disgusted by it. Part of me doesn't even want to show my circumcised penis, I do have probably a year or so left until I reach my goal so It doesn't bother me that much to not date for a couple more years (I'm just kinda tired of being lonely lol).

    I have considered putting a mention in my dating profile that I'm restoring but that would probably turn people off even faster before they could get to know me but I really would like to let a date know that sooner rather than later. I'm also really nervous that a potential partner wouldn't know what to do with a "half-restored" penis, I don't want to scare someone out of the bedroom when they pull down my pants and see a small really wrinkly member.

    I am really liking that younger guys like me are getting into restoration though, we can make it more common and hopefully make these kind of awkward conversations easier, maybe even intriguing to a potential date or partner like a good conversational point. Unfortunately for now we are the ones considered weird for wanting to be intact especially in america, change cannot come fast enough.

  • #2
    Maybe when you first get naked with a possible partner, look down at your penis and say something like, "I really dislike having been circumcised". You can follow up with "and I'm trying to undo it."
    That could get the conversation started.
    You can practise saying the words beforehand.

    Worst that you could do is to let a potential partner think that you actually like having been mutilated.
    Tormod

    Looking for a restorer who has a background in human skin cell biology. I'm interested in developing a mathematical model of the restoration process. Personal message me.

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    • #3
      I would say you are over thinking this. let it happen naturally, as Tormod says, when it comes up. For example, when would you bring up whether you keep your pubic area shaved or not? When would you bring up that you like oral sex or not?

      The thing is, when you go out and think there is a possibility of sex, you can do that with nothing to identify that you are restoring, right? So, there will be nothing to say, at that point anyway. Some men even restore in hiding while living with a spouse, not something I would recommend, but it shows how little has to be said, even if you live with someone.

      So, focus on the relationship building. You may be a good fit or not, but let that be revealed as you do all the little things of getting to know each other over time, over multiple interactions. And, when the time feels right to mention or talk about this with your potential partner, I think you will know.

      As far as worrying about how they will react, well that is part of life. Some people may not like you because you wear glasses. Or have hairy pubes. Or have blue eyes. Or like to eat spicy food. Or your body is hairy. You will not be able to control what other people like and value. And, trying to fit someone else's standard of perfection is a losing battle over the long run. Instead, work to find someone who likes you. Who wants to be with you because you are you.

      Yes, you will meet some people who you will find, either by chatting, face to face meeting, or even sex, are not compatible, who stop contact and move on away form you. Shrug, that is life. Not everyone is compatible, that is why dating is so hard, and finding someone for a LTR takes a long time for many. you just have to get out there and meet people, recognizing that not everyone you meet will be into you. But, and this is important, if they are, there is a good chanced that they will accept your restoration just as they accept other things about you that are less than perfect, like you are not over 6 feet tall, or you are not muscular, or you like cats but not dogs, or any number of things that may be on their "perfect ma" list, but are unrealistic to find in any one person.

      Regards

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Tormod View Post
        Maybe when you first get naked with a possible partner, look down at your penis and say something like, "I really dislike having been circumcised". You can follow up with "and I'm trying to undo it."
        That could get the conversation started.
        You can practise saying the words beforehand.

        Worst that you could do is to let a potential partner think that you actually like having been mutilated.
        That is a strait to the point statement but I think it would be very weird to say that to someone right before you have sex. If I even think about my penis while I'm masturbating it becomes kind of a mood killer and I really don't want to bring it up in a sexual encounter where I'm already uncomfortable and expected to perform.

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        • #5
          Don't worry so much about the timing of when to tell someone. Like Greg said, let it happen naturally. I wouldn't put it on a dating profile because you don't really want to lead with expectations of a sex life. All penises are different so the partner you find will have no idea what to expect when you both get naked just as you aren't sure what they will be packing.

          When you feel that the time is right tell your partner in your own way. The woman I'm with sometimes becomes intrigued in sex and the reproductive system after sex. She will look up how things work or why they do certain things and I figure that will be a good time to bring it up to her.

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          • #6
            Greg's post is great; in my opinion it's right on point. What I would add is a small point, but an important one. Please, even if you feel there's a need to say something, don't lecture about circumcision. No party line, no "education", no "this is what I've lost", no nuttin' except love and care for your partner. Sex is about reaching out to them, and that really puts a focus on all of you (even if it's just a long weekend), not just one part of you.

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