Restoring makes me face the fact that I've been mutilated.

[ren2345]

On 6th grade.
I remember telling my mother that I could not retract my skin on my glans.
I remember telling me they were going to fix it. I went to a Dr. and he was going to make it better.
I remember them talking about what "cut they were going to give me". I was on 6th grade, you trust adults.
"Take all of it so that it looks better." my mother said.

I currently have 1 inch of hairless "shaft" skin below my circ scar...
My penis is around 5.7-5.9 when erect. The rest is covered in hair.
I feel so much anger towards my younger self.
I feel so much anger that I wasn't old enough to "care about such things" and look it up online, and know that my problem was easy to fix.
Know that now for the rest of my life I've got "this" which isn't normal. That is all technically my fault.
That I'm restoring because I didn't keep my mouth shut. That I TOOK from myself so many sexual experiences and stuff.
That my mother didn't inform herself for me, "Yeah let's do this surgery" and I got fucked for the rest of my life.

Whenever I restore I think about all these things
What a cruel joke that everyone finds me handsome, interesting, attractive, that people want to date me...
But I don't wanna be sexual, because I can't just "pull down my pants and have sex" like the rest of the world.
I have to worry about my shaft "Did I shave it correctly?", "What if they notice its abnormal?", all those "What if's"

I couldn't get a C3 , C2 .. no, I got the tightest cut because "It would look better."
And I'm left with whatever this is, if you can consider a penis because as far as I know 3/4 of the shaft are not supposed to be covered in hair.
I remember how my penis looked like, I wonder how it would've looked like if just I hadn't said anything and in a few years I would've fixed it myself.
It's fucked. The underside is basically 90.00 % scrotum skin, like I have 2-3 hairs that grow almost on the circ scar. What am I supposed to restore?
I put my DTR, I do my exercises, I picture how it will look like when I restore. Just 2-3 yrs of putting this "device" that will "heal me".

I try, I'm trying, but its so hard.
It's so very hard... especially when people want to be with you but you're so scared because you feel so mutilated and "ugly"...

[greg_b]

I agree, it made me face that fact as well. Not such an easy thing to do. It takes time to process and come to terms with being a victim of this.

At some point, I also recognized that restoration at least let me take a positive step toward improving and getting close to what I would have had. That helped me.

Best wishes

[Nomad]

Yes, restoring is a constant reminder of that event. It took me months to recover from it. I did overdid sexual activity to compensate for my lack of sensations.

I vent some of my anger to my parents not doing prior research. I was probably the same age as you when I was circed, at 11.

I got away from the depression by thinking more positive on restoring. Well what we can do is to take back some of the sensations back. A lot of men in this community have restored and are restoring experienced first-hand restoring does improve our equipment.

Just KOT! it'll get better man. I take much of my motivation from the DTR inventor results, boyyy that's one long foreskin. He's had more progress pics BTW, you gotta check it.

KOT!

[mlg]

Hey man, really powerful post. If it means anything know that we're rooting for you. The go-to phrase for something like this is "it gets better." I'm going to be real; it has not gotten better for me yet. Though the hypersensitive culture we live in is the subject of just ridicule, I cannot deny that thinking about this stuff or hearing about it ruins my day. But I'm going to keep pushing and I hope you do too; for though it has not gotten better yet, the least I can do is hope that it will.