I did a Bad Thing

[LookingGlass]

I read a lot of pornographic fiction on my computer, and sometimes I tug with one hand and scroll with the other (I also tug while watching anime, so tugging isn't exclusively associated with sex). I was watching The Elephant in the Hospital (to make note of when the circumcision clip starts and stops so I can give a friend a heads-up), saw that it was >30:00 long, and figured I could tug while watching it.
Some time after this, I was fapping while reading porn (or tugging with one hand while striking with the other, I don't remember), and one of the graphic circumcision images from Elephant in the Hospital popped into my head.
I don't know why, but I fapped to it a bit. I don't remember if I hesitated, but I think I did. Afterwards I looked in the mirror and tore into myself in a way that, in retrospect, reminds me of a gay teenager who insists that their gay thoughts are sinful. I sternly/angrily told myself that a circumcision fetish is an "aberration" and that someone who had it should see a psychologist.
Was the fapping just a mastery/coping thing? Was I right to rage at myself like that?

[parsecskin]

No, images like that trigger your subconscious memories about what was done to you. with something so profound as circumcision, especially where you have learned the truth, It's difficult to get those images out of your head no matter what you are doing. Clips of the procedure are something I cannot stomach myself, so I avoid them if at all possible. But any new parent considering circumcision MUST watch it at least once. It's a real game changer.

[Nomad]

On the early days of my discovery circumcision when I am using my "equipment", I tend to think how much better sex would be if I was not circed.

I've watched some videos of circumcision operation on babies and young boys on YouTube. After 20 seconds after the start of the cutting I always close that window. YouTube should start banning these NON-EDUCATIONAL videos. We don't know what kind of crooked docs learning through them....

Man! I was gritting my teeth like a madman and holding on my dick like my life depended on it while watching. Well that was about 3 years ago since I saw one. Like parsecskin I tend to avoid those kind of videos but I do still have bad memories since I was cut when I was 11.

Don't let negative thoughts on circ get on the way on your sexual activity. Think about the positive improvements you've made and are going to make through restoration. It made me feel better a think more positively when I'm thinking about stuff related to my penis.

Stay Positive and KOT!

[LookingGlass]

I wasn't posting about negative thoughts getting in the way of my sexuality. I was concerned, because I was fapping, even just a little, to the mental image of a bloody circed penis, and I consider people who get off on circumcision scum.

[Nomad]

I wasn't posting about negative thoughts getting in the way of my sexuality. I was concerned, because I was fapping, even just a little, to the mental image of a bloody circed penis, and I consider people who get off on circumcision scum.

Oh.....so you meant you fapped just a little to images of circumcision stuff...Sorry in advance if I'm wrong with that interpretation.

If that's the case I've not experienced one.

But I may think that the subconscious brain will try to make a negative thing to a positive thing. Even though we know consciously it's bad, that's just our brains way of defending itself. Similar to the brain forgetting bad memories.....I am not an expert on the topic, as I've just read stuff about it on the Internet.

KOT!

[LookingGlass]

I've heard that theory before, on the old board.