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I was too young and my parents too ignorant to defend my bodily integrity from you. You severely hurt me sexually at the most formative time of my life as I was entering puberty. I remember my foreskin and how it felt to have it.
Apart from the embarresment of having my penis interfered with (the avoiding of friends, of changing or pissing in front of other boys, etc), when the swelling went down and the bandage came off I remember feeling disgusted with what you had left me with. This feeling has never really left me. I have had difficulties in later life with forming relationships, I often feel inadequate and unworthy of love, I still feel disgusted by my body sometimes and it distresses me that I cannot escape it sometimes to the point where I have persistant suicidal and violent thoughts.
I have experienced major depression for all of my adult life which has had a corrosive effect on my work, my creativity, my friendships and relationships. I accept that I may have been vunerable to depressive illness anyway but your mutilation of my genitals when I was too weak to defend myself has left an anger frozen in my soul that drains me and has certainly precipitated much of my depression... and to think it was completely unnecessary!
Unfortunately my mother believed in your authority as a doctor, and my father was a victim of a routine infant circumsion that he doesn't consciously remember and so would not (or could not) stand up for me at the time. Learning about your age and background I am also certain that you too were a victim of RIC. Your eagerness to deprive me of my foreskin on what was even then known to be spurious grounds (I had not been diagnosed with a medical condition and the fact that my foreskin was still non-retractile at age 10 is not a medical condition) leads me to beleive that you too were a victim of RIC like my father. This would explain your complete ignorance of the importance of foreskin to a man's sexual pleasure.
You were probably a sexual cripple and didn't even know it consciously. However, due to the age at which you did this to me I am fully aware that I have been crippled. I can't believe that any man with foreskin would be so willing to deprive a boy in this way. I want to forgive you. I also want to knock you down and stamp your head in. It now seems forgiveness or revenge is out of reach for me as I have learned that you are dead. For some reason when I found that out I felt more grief for your death than I did for a much loved familiy member who recently died. You are in a perverse way more intimate to me.
Apart from the embarresment of having my penis interfered with (the avoiding of friends, of changing or pissing in front of other boys, etc), when the swelling went down and the bandage came off I remember feeling disgusted with what you had left me with. This feeling has never really left me. I have had difficulties in later life with forming relationships, I often feel inadequate and unworthy of love, I still feel disgusted by my body sometimes and it distresses me that I cannot escape it sometimes to the point where I have persistant suicidal and violent thoughts.
I have experienced major depression for all of my adult life which has had a corrosive effect on my work, my creativity, my friendships and relationships. I accept that I may have been vunerable to depressive illness anyway but your mutilation of my genitals when I was too weak to defend myself has left an anger frozen in my soul that drains me and has certainly precipitated much of my depression... and to think it was completely unnecessary!
Unfortunately my mother believed in your authority as a doctor, and my father was a victim of a routine infant circumsion that he doesn't consciously remember and so would not (or could not) stand up for me at the time. Learning about your age and background I am also certain that you too were a victim of RIC. Your eagerness to deprive me of my foreskin on what was even then known to be spurious grounds (I had not been diagnosed with a medical condition and the fact that my foreskin was still non-retractile at age 10 is not a medical condition) leads me to beleive that you too were a victim of RIC like my father. This would explain your complete ignorance of the importance of foreskin to a man's sexual pleasure.
You were probably a sexual cripple and didn't even know it consciously. However, due to the age at which you did this to me I am fully aware that I have been crippled. I can't believe that any man with foreskin would be so willing to deprive a boy in this way. I want to forgive you. I also want to knock you down and stamp your head in. It now seems forgiveness or revenge is out of reach for me as I have learned that you are dead. For some reason when I found that out I felt more grief for your death than I did for a much loved familiy member who recently died. You are in a perverse way more intimate to me.
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