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  • Need some encouragement

    Hi all,

    I've been on and more recently off of restoring for around and about 2 years now, looking to get going again.

    I'm a good CI-3 with occasional roll over. My old routine was, retaining during the night and using a tension device by day

    I'm not sure if there's a link between circumcision and mental health but I have had a pretty severe period of depression, I didn't see any point in restoring during that time, and I never did drop back in to my old routine since breaking out of the spell of depression.

    I am fairly certain that some of the problems I have with depression are linked to circumcision, lack of confidence, poor body image confidence lack of enjoyment of sex and masturbation, and just having been singled out for being different.

    My question is, is restoring helpful (mental health wise) Or, is it reminding me that, by doing it, I have been circumcised, and I have these issues surrounding it, that I feel are being dragged up just by actively restoring?

  • #2
    "Just do it."

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    • #3
      For me, restoring is a positive thing I am doing to correct a mutilation that I did not want. A positive thing that helps my sex life. A positive thing that helps my wife enjoy sex more. I focus on doing what I can to make my life better. And, my life is far better now, having restored, than if I had not restored.

      But how you frame it is, well, how you frame it. You can frame it as something that brings you back to focus on your past, or as something that helps you make you future better.

      Regards

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      • #4
        Circumcision definitely impacts on your mental health in a massively negative way and restoration can impact it in a massively positive way.

        I have had major battles with depression, anxiety, self confidence etc etc. You can't ever fix circumcision but you can make your current state a lot lot better.

        What you are feeling is real but you can over come it. If you are in the UK contact 15 Square and they can put you in touch with a network of people who can help.

        I am restoring but it is SO slow but I can see progress. I was very tightly cut but probably at the same stage as you now but I know that restoration is helping my state if mind. I recommend getting referred to a good counselor by 15 Square, you may have to pay but it is worth it to start answering some questions and to understand exactly what is bothering you. Then you can take it and move forwards. I have had umpteen sessions of counselling but you've got to get to a place where you let go but they put things in order in your mind and you can start healing.

        Best and hardest thing I ever did was tell my mum about the psychological damage. It got a massive monkey off my back and I understood what she did instead of blaming and loathing her which was a major problem which was ruining my life and holding me back in so many areas. She made a mistake but you can get over this. You have lost a lot of time to circumcision, don't lose any more.

        I have been there so PM me if you think I can help or if you just want to chat.

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        • #5
          Thanks Rich Boy, I will look them up

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          • #6
            Originally posted by scotsman85 View Post
            I am fairly certain that some of the problems I have with depression are linked to circumcision, lack of confidence, poor body image confidence lack of enjoyment of sex and masturbation, and just having been singled out for being different.
            No question. In George Orwell's autobiography Homage to Catalonia, he describes a dog that had the party emblem branded onto its side, and how it always tried to hide that side from people because it knew it didn't look right. While we might not be dogs, we most certainly know what a human body is supposed to look like, and a glans being visible under normal circumstances isn't, well, normal. I can most certainly identify with that dog!

            I still struggle to use a urinal and never get changed in front of others. It has taken a lot of work to even get to a point where I can occasionally use a urinal - and even there, I chicken out at least 75% of the time, even if there is a privacy divider.

            To be brutally honest, I think my genitals look really ugly. I was mocked about my body when I was growing up, which didn't help either. No one ever mocked my genitals, but I made a concerted effort to stop anyone from ever seeing them - and that dates back as far as I can remember, from at least 6 years old. People mocking me included being called "chicken legs" by my friends, and "fat" by my brother and mother (I was slightly overweight at the time, but my BMI was about 25.5, so it wasn't by much). This year has been the first year where I have actually managed to wear shorts in public on a regular basis, and I still won't take my shirt off in front of anyone except for one friend who has seen me naked a few times - and is the only person I have discussed my body issues with.

            What I have found since I discovered this forum and started discussing this stuff with said friend is this: having someone to talk to, and posting details about it on a forum like this actually helps a lot. Obviously you have to be careful who you talk to, if they go and share your personal details with others, that will only make things worse.

            I imagine having a foreskin would help confidence massively, but I have a feeling that even if something like foregen became readily available tomorrow, and somehow I was able to access it (and afford it) - my body issues wouldn't just go away. There are a lot of other issues you have to work through, e.g. the feeling of betrayal by your parents, lack of self-confidence etc, and just growing a new foreskin won't fix all of that.

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            • #7
              I know, thanks for commenting, you hit the nail on the head on a lot of points, I'm not convinced that restoring is the answer or solution to the issues that you and I have in common, but it's a step in the right direction.

              I was never bullied for my appearance, I was always tall and thin, on hitting puberty, I was head and shoulders above my peers, so little was ever said to my face, but I know I was called the jew (school gym had open changing area with 6 showers on a wall, everyone saw everyone else naked) that stuck, and even at 33 it bothers me.

              I have gained a bit of confidence getting changed in front of others, I just get on with it. Urinals, not as much success, if I have started using them and someone stands next to me, no problem, starting though is not easy, I get a mental block.

              I think even if I was fully restored I'd still have confidence and body image issues, I'd still resent having been circumcised and I'd still be bothered about the years I've wasted not being confident or in my view being normal.

              I am open with my wife and one friend about my past, and what is going on now, they have been very supportive (even if they don't entirely understand) some things go on here as I know there is more likely to be someone that understands better than they can, and that's a big help.

              I'd hope that sex will improve, thinking back 15 years, sex doesn't feel like it used to, I can't stand the thought of it worsening.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by scotsman85 View Post
                I am open with my wife and one friend about my past, and what is going on now, they have been very supportive (even if they don't entirely understand) some things go on here as I know there is more likely to be someone that understands better than they can, and that's a big help.
                Ask your wife to read this book https://www.amazon.com/Unspeakable-M...ustomerReviews

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                • #9
                  For me, this book went the furthest towards the healing process. It's written by a female who herself underwent infant genital cutting herself in the 70s.

                  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...t_bibl_vppi_i0

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