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Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum and to restoration in general. By way of introduction, I'm a PhD candidate in the NYC area, 29 years old, and was cut as an infant. I have been considering restoration for about two years and plan to start next week when I return from overseas.
My question is: does anyone have advice about how to find a therapist who will be open to working on the kind of grief that many of us experience at the thought of how we were tortured, lied to etc when they cut us? My concerns are that (a) most therapists are not actually very good, and this will include sex therapists as well; and (b) the medical industry in general is obviously delusional about the nature and effects of cutting body parts off infant boys, so I worry that it may be difficult to find any sympathetic therapist at all, let alone one who is good. However, I live in New York City, so if there do exist good sex therapists who can deal with circumcision trauma, I imagine that there should be at least one in my area.
My own therapist is good in many ways, but is not at all helpful on the issue of circumcision trauma. The first time I brought up the subject, his response was a dismissive "what, did they botch it or something?" It was really hard for me in the first place to even bring up the subject of how much grief I feel about being violated as an infant, and I felt so shut down by his response that I couldn't bring myself to mention it again for over six months. Since then, he is able to listen to me but is completely unhelpful in terms of strategies to work through the grieving process. His only response is "lots of people are cut and are very happy with their sex lives", which may be true but is a remarkably unhelpful thing to say to someone who is cut and unhappy with their sex life. (I am sexually active and have had only one good sexual experience in my entire life, and it is difficult for me to think that my being cut has had nothing to do with that.)
I have read from people here and at other forums that foreskin restoration will help process the grief. So I do plan to start the restoration process as soon as I can get access to the restoration equipment. I think, though, that talk therapy with a sympathetic person would really help, since I still have to figure out how to cope with the fact that I was tortured and mutilated as an infant and very few people in American society seem to care. Restoration doesn't seem like it would completely resolve these feelings.
In any case, thanks to everyone on this site for being here and being courageous enough to look head-on at the reality of circumcision rather than cope with it by dissociating, as most cut men understandably do and as I have done for most of my life.
I'm new to this forum and to restoration in general. By way of introduction, I'm a PhD candidate in the NYC area, 29 years old, and was cut as an infant. I have been considering restoration for about two years and plan to start next week when I return from overseas.
My question is: does anyone have advice about how to find a therapist who will be open to working on the kind of grief that many of us experience at the thought of how we were tortured, lied to etc when they cut us? My concerns are that (a) most therapists are not actually very good, and this will include sex therapists as well; and (b) the medical industry in general is obviously delusional about the nature and effects of cutting body parts off infant boys, so I worry that it may be difficult to find any sympathetic therapist at all, let alone one who is good. However, I live in New York City, so if there do exist good sex therapists who can deal with circumcision trauma, I imagine that there should be at least one in my area.
My own therapist is good in many ways, but is not at all helpful on the issue of circumcision trauma. The first time I brought up the subject, his response was a dismissive "what, did they botch it or something?" It was really hard for me in the first place to even bring up the subject of how much grief I feel about being violated as an infant, and I felt so shut down by his response that I couldn't bring myself to mention it again for over six months. Since then, he is able to listen to me but is completely unhelpful in terms of strategies to work through the grieving process. His only response is "lots of people are cut and are very happy with their sex lives", which may be true but is a remarkably unhelpful thing to say to someone who is cut and unhappy with their sex life. (I am sexually active and have had only one good sexual experience in my entire life, and it is difficult for me to think that my being cut has had nothing to do with that.)
I have read from people here and at other forums that foreskin restoration will help process the grief. So I do plan to start the restoration process as soon as I can get access to the restoration equipment. I think, though, that talk therapy with a sympathetic person would really help, since I still have to figure out how to cope with the fact that I was tortured and mutilated as an infant and very few people in American society seem to care. Restoration doesn't seem like it would completely resolve these feelings.
In any case, thanks to everyone on this site for being here and being courageous enough to look head-on at the reality of circumcision rather than cope with it by dissociating, as most cut men understandably do and as I have done for most of my life.
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