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Sympathetic Therapists?

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  • Sympathetic Therapists?

    Hi everyone,

    I'm new to this forum and to restoration in general. By way of introduction, I'm a PhD candidate in the NYC area, 29 years old, and was cut as an infant. I have been considering restoration for about two years and plan to start next week when I return from overseas.

    My question is: does anyone have advice about how to find a therapist who will be open to working on the kind of grief that many of us experience at the thought of how we were tortured, lied to etc when they cut us? My concerns are that (a) most therapists are not actually very good, and this will include sex therapists as well; and (b) the medical industry in general is obviously delusional about the nature and effects of cutting body parts off infant boys, so I worry that it may be difficult to find any sympathetic therapist at all, let alone one who is good. However, I live in New York City, so if there do exist good sex therapists who can deal with circumcision trauma, I imagine that there should be at least one in my area.

    My own therapist is good in many ways, but is not at all helpful on the issue of circumcision trauma. The first time I brought up the subject, his response was a dismissive "what, did they botch it or something?" It was really hard for me in the first place to even bring up the subject of how much grief I feel about being violated as an infant, and I felt so shut down by his response that I couldn't bring myself to mention it again for over six months. Since then, he is able to listen to me but is completely unhelpful in terms of strategies to work through the grieving process. His only response is "lots of people are cut and are very happy with their sex lives", which may be true but is a remarkably unhelpful thing to say to someone who is cut and unhappy with their sex life. (I am sexually active and have had only one good sexual experience in my entire life, and it is difficult for me to think that my being cut has had nothing to do with that.)

    I have read from people here and at other forums that foreskin restoration will help process the grief. So I do plan to start the restoration process as soon as I can get access to the restoration equipment. I think, though, that talk therapy with a sympathetic person would really help, since I still have to figure out how to cope with the fact that I was tortured and mutilated as an infant and very few people in American society seem to care. Restoration doesn't seem like it would completely resolve these feelings.

    In any case, thanks to everyone on this site for being here and being courageous enough to look head-on at the reality of circumcision rather than cope with it by dissociating, as most cut men understandably do and as I have done for most of my life.

  • #2
    Don't know of any therapists but a support group may be of help to you. NORM (National Organization of Restoring Men) runs one in Manhattan.

    The following is information posted on the Locations page on their website:

    NORM NYC Coordinator: Daniel
    E-mail: [email protected]
    Notes: Meetings are held bi-monthly in Manhattan. Visit the Facebook page or join the Yahoo group for further details.

    The NYC Coordinator may be able to refer you to a therapist or counselor, if you prefer private sessions. You can find more info about NORM here:


    • #3
      Ron's site and Tally's site are splendid for support. I found that getting restored considerably helped my attitude and outlook. It's one of the best three or four things that I have ever done in my life.
      You don't need equipment or devices to get yourself started restoring. There are manual methods and very inexpensive tape based methods. All methods and devices need your committment to use them on a daily basis.
      You can help prevent further male mutilations by campaigning.


      Some of you may have had occasion to run into mathematicians and to wonder therefore how they got that way - Tom Lehrer


      • #4
        Originally posted by Tormod View Post
        Ron's site and Tally's site are splendid for support.
        While FR forums like this one are good for providing general advice and encouragement in learning about and achieving foreskin restoration, I do not think they are any good for dealing w/ the type of emotional trauma that the OP says he is experiencing.

        Also, while the act of restoring can help to build one's self-esteem if he feels diminished by his circumcision, that sill may not help with the sense of grief that the OP also says that he feels. So, in some cases, only one-on-one psychotherapy or group counseling will be sufficient.


        • #5
          I don't have the name of a therapist for you. I am going to tell you it helped me a lot talking to others going through the emotions that come with the realization of what was done. It is also empowering to re-grow your foreskin
          View My Progress Gallery @ https://foreskinrestoration.vbulleti...ooded-progress


          • #6
            My suggestions:

            1. Check out: .While this organisation is for people who require support to overcome the harm done to them by religion, Dr Darrel Ray suggests that these therapists will be sympathetic. Darrel Ray supports the intactivist movement and has interviewed Ron (and myself)f on his podcast, Secular Sexualities.

            2. Give a copy of my book Unspeakable Mutilations to your therapist. (Darrel Ray wrote the advance praise page.) It may also be good for you to read and understand the process of circ. grief explained in the book It contains personal accounts from 50 men, some from this site. Check it out on Amazon. If money is a problem, pm me and I'll organise a copy for you.

            I have collected about 20 stories from men who have had experience with therapists for circumcision grief, with the goal of publishing a paper on the topic. Most of the men's experiences have been more traumatic than helpful.

            Hope this helps.