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I feel so bad about my circumcision trauma, depressed and suicidal.

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  • I feel so bad about my circumcision trauma, depressed and suicidal.

    I want to say something about this one of stupidest thing too. Now, I am 22 years old male, an atheist, circumcised male who grown up a conservative Muslim family in Turkey. Male circumcision is highly common in here. In this country, most circumcision performs in childhood, not as an infant generally speaking. There is a huge religious and traditional pressure here. Also fucking doctors ehm, excuse me child abusers support this idea of circumcision because most of them are circumcised and they even believe circumcision is a healthy thing.

    My father was circumcised, he is highly conservative. When they applied this procedure I was 6 or 7 years old maybe 8, I don't remember exactly. And nobody protected me. In this place, there are some people I'm not sure if they have a certification most of them, they called 'sünnetçi'. The exact translation for this is 'circumciser'. There is a highly traditional system for this, if you become circumcised, this means you become more man in a cultural context. There is a control mechanism, everywhere. In school with your friends, older people's questions like "When did you circumcised?" Even random people can ask this question.

    There is a pretty common thing to celebrate this event, families pushes they financial budget to do that. I remember my family asked me "Let's celebrate this." and I said as a kid "Why? Why we should celebrate this thing, because my one of my part has been cut and gone." And of course I didn't know what they did exactly to me. So, celebration never happened.

    And if you search about circumcision on Google, you can't find too many arguments againt circumcision. A lot of people believe, this is a healthy procedure, if you say about harmful effects, a lot of people, even more secular people don't want to hear about it, all they think is this is healthy procedure. I can't talk my friends, relatives, random people. They are just a few people can I talk in my real life. Unbelievable.

    All my fault was born in this country. And now, I look my penis and I just see a damaged organ. Even foreskin restoration, can't give me a full sensitivity and functionality.

    What did I have done to deserve this? I hate the idea I never give enough pleasure to my GF and myself. I hate the idea they cut me like a toy, object or something.

    Lots of these years I thought, I have a pornography addiction problem, or I have other areas need to solve like exercise, getting a healthy lifestyle, sleeping better, having a better grades etc. I just blamed myself to not doing something better. And I thought, if I solve my pornography addiction, life will become easier. It is possible, if I fix my brain chemistry, I can struggle other things more quickly, but this is out of the topic but In reality, I am mutilated, I was abused. And I THINK, there is a probably a correlation between my years of porn use to run away this trauma and circumcision.

    If you are a bit sensitive, careful person who thinks differently, society excommunicate you. I am a Math&CS student who wants to work in Data Science field. And you know analytical skills like programming, solving mathematical equations needs patience, practice and time. I have dreams, I want to create a better world or contribute to it. But this issue hurts me a lot. You know, foreskin restoration requires too much time and commitment. And there are lots of other responsibilies. Thanks to my family and other people to create depressed person and costed extra time for me. But you know? I won't go into celibacy, instead, I will try to regain my life and restore my foreskin back. I know this will not the same like years ago, but this struggle does not end until I quit.

    I know if I live now, I can save many of others or children. Please help others, say your opinions in every place if possible, support intactivists. This is humiliation, this is insane, this is a child abuse, this is not normal.

    Circumcision is breach of human rights. It is a violation. We should end this as humanity.
    Last edited by Unwritten; 12-29-2020, 03:04 PM.

  • #2
    I agree with everything you have written, at least outside the personal stuff.

    Within the personal stuff, I see some interesting parallels between our two stories. In my case, I was raised in a liberal secular household with a Jewish by heritage father and Catholic by heritage mother. I was circumcised at birth and I'm not sure how I feel about that in comparison to your experience. I guess it's nice to not have any memory of the procedure, but I have literally no idea what I looked like when I was (briefly) intact.

    Anyway, your grief speaks to me and I share your pain of not being able to talk about this. Some of the least harsh replies I've gotten were, "This is none of your business," to which I want to say, "How can you do this to another human being if you can't even talk about it?" Our priorities are all out of whack.

    I don't want to presume, but you sound a little like me when I was younger and I'd like to reassure you that restoring will make you feel better. My journey's not over and I don't know if I'll continue to have the same doubts you voice in your post (I've definitely considered it), but seeing my foreskin stay over the glans for a decent amount of time makes me feel complete, albeit temporarily, and reminds me of how far I've come.

    Most importantly, I vowed almost from the day I discovered I was circumcised that I wanted to hold onto my grief-- I would be profoundly disturbed and disappointed in myself if I woke up one day to say, "Eh, circumcision's not so bad." I can attest that I still feel much the same as I did when I first learned of my status, although the pain is less acute and more of an overall pressure that hangs over me. It's a little hard to describe, but the point is that I don't feel like I've buried or displaced my early feelings.

    Likewise, while I don't want you to be suicidal, I want to validate your feelings. You were violated in a way that no one ever should be and you have my support in the long path ahead of you.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by eeeee View Post
      I agree with everything you have written, at least outside the personal stuff.

      Within the personal stuff, I see some interesting parallels between our two stories. In my case, I was raised in a liberal secular household with a Jewish by heritage father and Catholic by heritage mother. I was circumcised at birth and I'm not sure how I feel about that in comparison to your experience. I guess it's nice to not have any memory of the procedure, but I have literally no idea what I looked like when I was (briefly) intact.

      Anyway, your grief speaks to me and I share your pain of not being able to talk about this. Some of the least harsh replies I've gotten were, "This is none of your business," to which I want to say, "How can you do this to another human being if you can't even talk about it?" Our priorities are all out of whack.

      I don't want to presume, but you sound a little like me when I was younger and I'd like to reassure you that restoring will make you feel better. My journey's not over and I don't know if I'll continue to have the same doubts you voice in your post (I've definitely considered it), but seeing my foreskin stay over the glans for a decent amount of time makes me feel complete, albeit temporarily, and reminds me of how far I've come.

      Most importantly, I vowed almost from the day I discovered I was circumcised that I wanted to hold onto my grief-- I would be profoundly disturbed and disappointed in myself if I woke up one day to say, "Eh, circumcision's not so bad." I can attest that I still feel much the same as I did when I first learned of my status, although the pain is less acute and more of an overall pressure that hangs over me. It's a little hard to describe, but the point is that I don't feel like I've buried or displaced my early feelings.

      Likewise, while I don't want you to be suicidal, I want to validate your feelings. You were violated in a way that no one ever should be and you have my support in the long path ahead of you.
      Thanks for your kind words and support. I'm keep going whatever it takes. And I have no doubt, I'm fully dedicated to restore.

      I don't know if there is a difference between circumcised as a infant and as a child.

      Comment


      • #4
        Restorasyon konusunda bol sans!
        Yardım icin DM atabilirsin.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Unwritten View Post
          I want to say something about this one of stupidest thing too. Now, I am 22 years old male, an atheist, circumcised male who grown up a conservative Muslim family in Turkey. Male circumcision is highly common in here. In this country, most circumcision performs in childhood, not as an infant generally speaking. There is a huge religious and traditional pressure here. Also fucking doctors ehm, excuse me child abusers support this idea of circumcision because most of them are circumcised and they even believe circumcision is a healthy thing.

          My father was circumcised, he is highly conservative. When they applied this procedure I was 6 or 7 years old maybe 8, I don't remember exactly. And nobody protected me. In this place, there are some people I'm not sure if they have a certification most of them, they called 'sünnetçi'. The exact translation for this is 'circumciser'. There is a highly traditional system for this, if you become circumcised, this means you become more man in a cultural context. There is a control mechanism, everywhere. In school with your friends, older people's questions like "When did you circumcised?" Even random people can ask this question.

          There is a pretty common thing to celebrate this event, families pushes they financial budget to do that. I remember my family asked me "Let's celebrate this." and I said as a kid "Why? Why we should celebrate this thing, because my one of my part has been cut and gone." And of course I didn't know what they did exactly to me. So, celebration never happened.

          And if you search about circumcision on Google, you can't find too many arguments againt circumcision. A lot of people believe, this is a healthy procedure, if you say about harmful effects, a lot of people, even more secular people don't want to hear about it, all they think is this is healthy procedure. I can't talk my friends, relatives, random people. They are just a few people can I talk in my real life. Unbelievable.

          All my fault was born in this country. And now, I look my penis and I just see a damaged organ. Even foreskin restoration, can't give me a full sensitivity and functionality.

          What did I have done to deserve this? I hate the idea I never give enough pleasure to my GF and myself. I hate the idea they cut me like a toy, object or something.

          Lots of these years I thought, I have a pornography addiction problem, or I have other areas need to solve like exercise, getting a healthy lifestyle, sleeping better, having a better grades etc. I just blamed myself to not doing something better. And I thought, if I solve my pornography addiction, life will become easier. It is possible, if I fix my brain chemistry, I can struggle other things more quickly, but this is out of the topic but In reality, I am mutilated, I was abused. And I THINK, there is a probably a correlation between my years of porn use to run away this trauma and circumcision.

          If you are a bit sensitive, careful person who thinks differently, society excommunicate you. I am a Math&CS student who wants to work in Data Science field. And you know analytical skills like programming, solving mathematical equations needs patience, practice and time. I have dreams, I want to create a better world or contribute to it. But this issue hurts me a lot. You know, foreskin restoration requires too much time and commitment. And there are lots of other responsibilies. Thanks to my family and other people to create depressed person and costed extra time for me. But you know? I won't go into celibacy, instead, I will try to regain my life and restore my foreskin back. I know this will not the same like years ago, but this struggle does not end until I quit.

          I know if I live now, I can save many of others or children. Please help others, say your opinions in every place if possible, support intactivists. This is humiliation, this is insane, this is a child abuse, this is not normal.

          Circumcision is breach of human rights. It is a violation. We should end this as humanity.
          Jesus bro well said, you took the words right out of my mouth, I’ve felt suicidal ever since mine was cut off when I was 25, I’ve lost all hope for the future.

          Comment


          • #6
            Totally understandable, feel like I have been raped and it is our unethical doctors doing the raping to sell our body parts for profit. They are sick in the head.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Unwritten View Post
              I want to say something about this one of stupidest thing too. Now, I am 22 years old male, an atheist, circumcised male who grown up a conservative Muslim family in Turkey. Male circumcision is highly common in here. In this country, most circumcision performs in childhood, not as an infant generally speaking. There is a huge religious and traditional pressure here. Also fucking doctors ehm, excuse me child abusers support this idea of circumcision because most of them are circumcised and they even believe circumcision is a healthy thing.

              My father was circumcised, he is highly conservative. When they applied this procedure I was 6 or 7 years old maybe 8, I don't remember exactly. And nobody protected me. In this place, there are some people I'm not sure if they have a certification most of them, they called 'sünnetçi'. The exact translation for this is 'circumciser'. There is a highly traditional system for this, if you become circumcised, this means you become more man in a cultural context. There is a control mechanism, everywhere. In school with your friends, older people's questions like "When did you circumcised?" Even random people can ask this question.

              There is a pretty common thing to celebrate this event, families pushes they financial budget to do that. I remember my family asked me "Let's celebrate this." and I said as a kid "Why? Why we should celebrate this thing, because my one of my part has been cut and gone." And of course I didn't know what they did exactly to me. So, celebration never happened.

              And if you search about circumcision on Google, you can't find too many arguments againt circumcision. A lot of people believe, this is a healthy procedure, if you say about harmful effects, a lot of people, even more secular people don't want to hear about it, all they think is this is healthy procedure. I can't talk my friends, relatives, random people. They are just a few people can I talk in my real life. Unbelievable.

              All my fault was born in this country. And now, I look my penis and I just see a damaged organ. Even foreskin restoration, can't give me a full sensitivity and functionality.

              What did I have done to deserve this? I hate the idea I never give enough pleasure to my GF and myself. I hate the idea they cut me like a toy, object or something.

              Lots of these years I thought, I have a pornography addiction problem, or I have other areas need to solve like exercise, getting a healthy lifestyle, sleeping better, having a better grades etc. I just blamed myself to not doing something better. And I thought, if I solve my pornography addiction, life will become easier. It is possible, if I fix my brain chemistry, I can struggle other things more quickly, but this is out of the topic but In reality, I am mutilated, I was abused. And I THINK, there is a probably a correlation between my years of porn use to run away this trauma and circumcision.

              If you are a bit sensitive, careful person who thinks differently, society excommunicate you. I am a Math&CS student who wants to work in Data Science field. And you know analytical skills like programming, solving mathematical equations needs patience, practice and time. I have dreams, I want to create a better world or contribute to it. But this issue hurts me a lot. You know, foreskin restoration requires too much time and commitment. And there are lots of other responsibilies. Thanks to my family and other people to create depressed person and costed extra time for me. But you know? I won't go into celibacy, instead, I will try to regain my life and restore my foreskin back. I know this will not the same like years ago, but this struggle does not end until I quit.

              I know if I live now, I can save many of others or children. Please help others, say your opinions in every place if possible, support intactivists. This is humiliation, this is insane, this is a child abuse, this is not normal.

              Circumcision is breach of human rights. It is a violation. We should end this as humanity.
              Man, I know how you feel, and I'm really sorry for what you had to go through. I also got traumatized by circumcision, even though in my case it was "medically necessary", since my foreskin ballooned when I peed. I was four when I had it done, and by the time I didn't really bother that much. But soon I realized how I was different from the other boys, and it really messed up with my mental health throughout my entire childhood and part of my adolescence, until I found out about restoration. Hopefully the doctor who performed the circumcision on me left some skin behind which made restoration a bit easier. I never had any support and didn't tell anyone how bad I felt because of my surgery. Here most people are uncut, so I felt like the different guy. I always envied an uncircumcised penis, I wanted mine to be like that, and it really messed up with my mental health.
              Hopefully I got a friend here that is intact and that was very open and supportive about it, he has been answering some of my questions and helping me not only with that. I hope you might be able to restore as much as possible of your foreskin, I know how it's like to want to end your life (I have already attempted that about 3 times for other reasons, but now I'm good). Don't take your life away, keep yourself alive please!
              And also, I made a post about a new restoring technique that I found out, you can click on my profile and check it out, I hope it might be helpful to you!
              And I totally agree with you, circumcision is genital mutilation and against human rights, it must be stopped!

              Comment

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