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  • Given up on being a male

    After several painful failures and advancement of age in my non-sexually active life, I have finally made a comforting conclusion that it is okay not to be a male.
    It is a painful perspective to some, but the surgery forced upon me may have successfully castrated me.
    I'm unable to have intercourse with anyone. The overwhelming PTSD of looking at my body, much less sharing it with someone else, is a terrifying nightmare. And one can fear and hide for so long at some point; it just becomes an aspect of life. It is merely one more thing to endure in life, for in conquering the suffering, we define happiness. It's okay to be scarred and tortured. It's okay to have been raped, abused, and probably life would be much different with a wife and children than it is today. But that's okay.

    There's much that is good left in my life, and having promised my now departed mother that I would never take my own life. I go on to live. But is it living? No, not really. I'm just going with the flow, waiting to one day die due to "natural causes".

    The self-pity is intense here. No psychologist can help me in the current generation because our form of rape and amputation fetish is acceptable and even recommended by the for-profit medical committee.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Dinoraptor101 View Post
    the surgery forced upon me may have successfully castrated me.
    I don't feel very male either. I have the most rewarding sensual experience when I think of my penis as a clitoris.

    Originally posted by Dinoraptor101 View Post
    It's okay to have been raped, abused
    It's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about or apologize for. But when we explain the sorts of accommodations that make things work with us, we can thank someone for their patience and understanding.

    Originally posted by Dinoraptor101 View Post
    just going with the flow, waiting
    I'm sorry you feel so down and purposeless.

    It stinks to know that someone purposefully imposed this suffering upon us. But I see examples regularly of people dealt a much worse hand than diminishment of the genitals. They often find purpose in doing things to ensure they leave the world better than they found. It doesn't pay to be angry at the whole of humanity. All of society didn't DO this to you. They let it happen out of ignorance, and that is something I can excuse when there is repentance. And there is, in a great many people who didn't do enough to protect you, even if there is not in the folks who actively harmed you.

    Originally posted by Dinoraptor101 View Post
    our form of rape and amputation fetish is acceptable and even recommended by the for-profit medical committee.
    Plenty of medical folks around the globe discourage it, and even in the US they don't officially recommend it, they just get away with biased information for the family and with failure to act in their patient' s best interest .

    But testifying as you are doing is helping. I believe at some point in a year or a century medical societies will be held accountable if we keep speaking out about having been harmed. That doesn't mean we have to wallow in it.

    Nobody can tell you how to feel, or that your feelings aren't valid. But I can tell you what makes me feel better - helping to educate decision makers and policy makers by speaking out.
    -Ron Low
    [email protected]
    847 414-1692 Chicago

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Dinoraptor101 View Post
      After several painful failures and advancement of age in my non-sexually active life, I have finally made a comforting conclusion that it is okay not to be a male.
      There are many males on this planet, who do not subscribe to society's 'regular" notion of what it is to be a male.

      They are called "monks."

      Join us! Or perhaps you --in some sense -- already have.

      In India, they have Hindu Holy Men called "Sadhus," who have purportedly given up all worldly existence. Every 4 years, they gather together en masse, and process through the streets, to take a bath in the Holy River Ganges. These Festivals are known as the Kumbh Mela.

      Because the Sadhus have no worldly possessions, most have no clothes, and they walk en masse to the River naked for the ritualistic bath, sometimes covered only in ritualistic mud smears. Some however, wear a homemade G-string.

      See a photo of the Naga (naked) Sadhus at the Kumbh Mela here:
      https://didierruef.photoshelter.com/...000k9kTnTzP63E

      In recent years, it has not been unusual to spot an occasional Westerner, who has adopted the Sadhu way of life, at the Kumbh Mela. If you do this, you will notice that the overwhelming majority of the men there are genitally intact. Hinduism prohibits circumcision. (You, therefore, may want to be one who wears a G-string. You, like many victims of child sexual abuse, may blame yourself for your molestation, and may feel shame at being mutilated down there.....until you complete your restoration. Then you will be whole again!)

      The good news, is that, as a Sadhu, you can still work on your restoration using nothing but manual methods, and someday will be able to join the procession through the streets naked with the others.

      You original post indicates you could benefit from an attitude adjustment.
      Sadhus are known for using meditative techniques to still the mind, and to spiritually fuse with the infinite.

      There is a spiritual blank verse that I once found in a free magazine that I got at a health food store. I like it a lot. It helps me whenever life gets too tense. It says:

      Don't think about the past; it only brings tears.
      Don't think about the future, it only brings fears.
      Live in the moment with a smile and good cheer!

      But above all:
      Just KOT! Keep On Tugging....along with the rest of us!

      David
      World As Monkey Island
      Last edited by Science Monk; 06-14-2021, 07:59 PM. Reason: typos
      I declared myself finished restoring with 3/4 erect coverage (CI-8.5) in 2005. I primarily used T-tape, strapping up and around my waist.
      I've participated in NORM meetings in San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle (RECAP), and Ann Arbor, Michigan.

      Every doubt, reservation, or concern I had about my restoration was resolved by achieving additional foreskin LENGTH.....So just KOT !

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      • #4
        Dinoraptor,
        I'm not sure what you mean by "giving up on being male". But no matter what that means, you can just try to be the best version of you. Don't worry so much about labels or trying to fit into some societal mold.

        That post looks like it took a lot of strength and courage to put out there, thanks for letting us start to get to know you!

        I don't know how you were mutilated or what they may have left you with. But since you're on a Foreskin Restoring board, i do know that all of the tissues you were left with can be grown / expanded to some extent. You can make yourself better than you are now.

        Not all of the people with professional training to help you through the darkness that you're stuck in have ''drank the koolaid'' about male genital mutilation. Unfortunately it could probably still mean going through a few to find someone that's a good fit for you to talk to.

        You're still on the lighted side of the grass, so you might as well try to make the best of it.

        https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
        https://afsp.org/

        What kind of things do you enjoy doing?
        What other things would you like to improve?
        Saying someone is "Unmutilated" is like saying "Unsweet Tea". So you mean it's just Tea, in its natural state, that nobody has screwed up? It can't be Un- anything

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