Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Confronted parents

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • forescore
    replied
    Your parents didn't have you cut because they hate you. They did it because they either were sold on the idea or for religious reasons, or for health reason, or, or, or......make up a reason from the many many reasons that we are mutilated. Assigning blame to your parents is likely to create negative feelings which doesn't accomplish anything positive. Convincing them that if they are asked about this by people who have to make this decision going forward, knowing how you feel about it, maybe could change what they would say to others about it. That would be helpful. I would consider that a win. Eventually, you are going to have to turn your attention away from the negative feelings about this and concentrate on something positive that you can do going forward. Restoring your foreskin being a start. As you get older and into adult decision making for others or advising others about this kind of decision, you may be able to influence people....but not always. Society changes slowly. It is individual voices that move the masses in a direction. Eliminating the choice by not allowing public funds be used for cosmetic reasons such as a medically unnecessary circumcision would be an example of such an effort. Restricting doctors from performing non therapeutic circumcisions is another example. There is a lot of work to be done by people who feel strongly about this state of affairs about circumcision. Progress will be made gradually in small increments. I had to make that choice for my son. I told my wife that I didn't want to take away from him something that God gave him. We said no to circumcision. This was way before I even knew that there was such a thing as foreskin restoration for myself. I hope that more people do what I did and decide to leave young male people whole. At my age, I have come to know that harboring these negative feelings of blame for something that happened in the past creates anxiety and stress. That shortens life. I have learned to avoid these negative feelings and embrace positive ones looking forward. As a young person, you may not be thinking about longevity because you still have a lot of living left. I think about it a lot because I am closer to death than birth. I have made a concerted effort to take this kind of useless mental exercise out of my life. I try to live in the present not resenting what happened in the past and not spending all my time calculating what the future will be. I make decisions in the present that keeps me from stress and good decisions will create a future that is worth living. That's my three cents.....for what it is worth. Be positive, stay in the present.

    Leave a comment:


  • eeeee
    replied
    I share in your pain. I have nothing to add, but I want you to know that I've read your post, deeply empathize, and can only offhandedly say that healing-- to the extent we even can-- takes time and is exhausting. It probably will always hurt-- and like you, I've always been afraid of waking up one day to decide, "It's not such a big deal after all,"-- but with time and maybe the help of a sympathetic therapist, you may be able to channel that hurt in a way that isn't directed inward.

    I had an influential humanities professor in college who described trauma as a literal lesion on your brain. Now, being a literature professor and not a neurologist, I don't know if that's strictly true, but it helped me a lot at the time. I grew to imagine my dark, furious, and obsessive thoughts as a piece of my brain that was literally scarred. If it helps you too, great.

    Leave a comment:


  • ForeskinReclaimer
    replied
    Agreed,
    It would have been really nice for mine to have realized the gravity of what they did, not to feel bad for ever, but to at least realize it, all they ended up doing was lie to me and say they agreed, they don't, it's obvious, they just say they are sorry because they just think it will make me shut up about it and it is so empty, my dad still thinks there is nothing wrong with it, and my mom thinks it shouldn't be done but it's not that big of a deal, the things that where said and how they where said, I should have recorded it, I recall it all I don't want to think about it, I almost regret even bringing it up. They have no remorse, They think of me as a pet, There is so much they did to me, and it all goes hand and hand, I can't think about it. I am stuck in a loop, where I need to move forward, So I stop thinking about MGM and all the stories and the gravity and every way it effected me, I got really worked up the other day so I drove to a state park and just went outside, It was so beautiful, I have eyes and I can see and there is so much other good things in life to enjoy and focus on, but then when I start to realize that I recoil back into because that's what the monsters that started doing this shit wanted was to punish masturbation and ruin sex and I feel like if I don't hold on to the rage and the storm of what that is then its not real (in a buddhist sense this is true) and I am giving into the idea its not a big deal by letting go, Its the gaslighting that keeps me in this, there is a OCD element to this as well. My feelings are valid and I have just as much of a right to intact genitals as girls do. And I can let go, but then I get pulled back in cause my OCD is making me feel like I agree with the mutilators, like I am going to become them. I some how found a therapist that is letting me talk about this and didn't just dismiss it, they say they agree, what they really think who knows, but they are at least taking my feelings seriously. I never talked about it, I look back on my life and it was the main thing on my mind from 11, I sat across from so many doctors and therapist and psychiatrist, and every day I wanted to bring that up with this one at 16 and I just couldn't, they would tell my parents, and what if they said I was wrong, If I could have started restoring at 11-13 it would have made all the difference in the world in my life. Having mutilated genitals is not something kids should have to deal with
    Last edited by ForeskinReclaimer; 03-07-2022, 08:32 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • eeeee
    replied
    I'll start by saying you seem to have misinterpreted my words. "Shielding my parents from that outrage is a gift to them. In a sense, they don't deserve it," i.e., they don't deserve to be shielded from my outrage. "They don't deserve it," is actually in reinforcement of the point you make in your post.

    I'll also reiterate my statement that confronting one's parents is an intensely personal decision. You're welcome to weigh in, but only I know my parents and my relationship with them.

    I share much of your outrage and I will never understand why a molecular biologist and secular Jew capriciously laid claim to my genitals. I agree that it is "common sense" and I'm aghast at the notion that people need to be taught that circumcision is wrong. Before I understood I was circumcised, I admit I had a flippant view toward it, but I never thought it was right.

    Ultimately, though, the question I come back to is what do I have to gain from confronting them? If I were in a more functional and emotionally receptive family, it would be an opportunity to heal and grow. Because I have ample evidence that isn't who my parents are, I really see no point to it. My mother would perhaps deny any wrongdoing and belittle me for "making a mountain out of a molehill" or something or, in the "best case scenario", would just be devastated that she imposed such a terrible custom on her child's body. And then what? How does that help me or make the world a better place? If I were especially vindictive or wished to feed the vindiction within me, then yes, I might take some satisfaction in hurting my mother in a minuscule fraction of the amount she hurt me, but that's not who I am and I know there is nothing to be gained.

    What I can do instead is channel that same energy toward people who have not yet made their decision, as I did when I confronted my sister (who later gave birth to a girl). That conversation did not go especially well and we haven't talked about it in four years, but from what I know of my sister, I trust in her that she now has reason to think about circumcision in at least a more thoughtful way. That may not sound like much, but I find great value in marginal changes: we should work to convince those who are against circumcision to be intactivists, those who are indifferent or unsure to be against circumcision, those who are in favor to be unsure, an those who are sure to have the tiniest doubts, aware that there is a non-negligible population who thinks this practice is unfunny and a violation of bodily autonomy. That kind of across-the-board change will get us where we want and much sooner than you might expect.

    Leave a comment:


  • ForeskinReclaimer
    replied
    Nah they deserve it, I highly doubt anyone doesn't know its wrong, It all comes down to rights, and the fact they violated your right to an intact body leaves them no excuse, rights are inalienable, inherent to the nature of our existence, and obvious. There is no excuse. Unless your parents had you when they where under 18 they had plenty long enough to figure out the concept of rights, and they decided to disregard and violate yours. All the excuses of not knowing what a foreskin was and this and that hold no weight because there is no excuse for not understanding you don't have a right to alter your child's body, or to cut things off their genitals. They did it because they could. If rights and doing the right thing and truth where a priority for them no parent would ever do it. Many of our problems stem from blatant disregards for rights. "a boy has no right to an intact penis" -AAP <---- anyone that could read that and not have deep disgust is without excuse.
    This goes for the doctors so SO SOOOO many times over they have absolutely no excuse for not knowing exactly what they did and the severity of the crime, human rights where violated such a fundamental level, there needs to be and there has to be legal retribution for this on the doctors at some point, this shit needs to recognized as illegal and that it has been illegal this whole time,
    Crimes against humanity, there is no excuse
    Last edited by ForeskinReclaimer; 03-06-2022, 11:39 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • eeeee
    replied
    I wish I could help you in some way. The decision to confront one's parents is intensely personal, one that should be considered extremely carefully if you have any inclination to do so.

    I don't want to make this thread about myself, but I'll briefly share my own experience. My father passed away a few years ago and I never confronted him, nor did I have much inclination to do so. He was a good man in many respects, but he was also self-centered and unapologetic to a fault. I knew the best I could hope from him was a condescending, "I'm sorry you feel that way!" (I suspect even that would have been unlikely and I don't know what it would have done to our already fragile relationship.)

    My mother was the more emotionally in-tune parent, though that was only by default. After my father died, I've been able to more closely examine my relationship with her and discover that she too lacks empathy. We've had a few key arguments in which she's completely failed to validate my feelings. Also, every time she's brought up circumcision, she laughs about it. It's clear she doesn't take it seriously and telling her that I feel violated by what she did to me would surely blindside her.

    So if you've already confronted your parents and it didn't go well, I can't say much except offer you my sympathy. In a way, I have it hard because even without bringing it up, I know that my feelings will be dismissed out of hand and it would do nothing but damage our relationship. But in another sense, I have it easy because I've been able to come to terms with the fact that this resentment I feel will be my secret burden. I obviously wish I had never been cut, but secondarily, I wish I had parents who were more emotionally open and receptive so that I could trust them with these feelings and other strong feelings I have. Instead, I'm "playing the hand I was dealt", understanding that any confrontation would only confuse and aggravate us both. Even though I hate what my parents did to me and have numerous other grievances with my upbringing, I still love them in the complicated way I imagine most users here feel toward their own parents. Shielding my parents from that outrage is a gift to them. In a sense, they don't deserve it, but I rather strongly believe that the world isn't bettered by adding to its suffering.

    Leave a comment:


  • ForeskinReclaimer
    replied
    Too bad the long term psychological pain is enormous and exponential the more you are aware of the history and how dark and evil it is, Just completely avoidable my rights violated, constant reminder of missing such a fundamental part of the human experience. Its so bad. I have to move on and let go, and accept what I got and what I will have when I restore, but I have to do that without forgetting what was lost and how wrong all this is, I am afraid I will fall asleep, take the blue pill and be one of these Stockholm syndrome animals that thinks its "its no big deal". I guess I don't know what a mind set would be where you understand what you lost, that this all needs to stop, but you are ok, this is where the gaslighting really hurts. I have to move on, I can't keep being like this, I'm not paralyzed, I'm not blind, I have a good life, This is the craziest thing to think about and wrap my head around, that I live in a country where all the doctors are mutilating children and stealing fundamental human knowledge and experience and all the problems that come with it. I knew right away when I was 11 something was wrong this doesn't feel good, And everyone else doesn't see that, and these doctors all know full well what they are doing. It's illegal, they do not give informed consent, They know its not needed they know what they are robbing you of, and they sell the tissue, and gut level I think allot of them get off on it. It was all about punishing kids for masturbation. It's so wrong, and to see the society carry on doing it and read the stories and the disgusting comments by AAP, and judges and everyday people is beyond anything, on top of all the other crazy shit we do to each other. This is so bad. I have a right have intact genitals, I want to see that upheld and recognized, I want to see this and a whole lot of other problems end.
    The doctors are not ignorant they know full well what they are doing. that's who I am really mad at, and they just keep on doing it, I never really blamed my parents It's just disgusting to hear them talk about it and think about it the way they do.

    Leave a comment:


  • admin
    replied
    Originally posted by ForeskinReclaimer View Post
    if they do it right after birth there is no pain
    Sorry your discussion with your parents didn't lead where you wanted it to.

    I don't get bogged down in pain. Something actually needed but painful being done to their kid would be hard for parents to take, but they would do it if they thought it was right. And lucky for us the pain's long-term damage is fairly slight.

    It's just that circumcision is not needed, and the choice to allow it must have been made out of ignorance.

    Leave a comment:


  • ForeskinReclaimer
    started a topic Confronted parents

    Confronted parents

    My dad tried to gaslight me and tell me some story about how he was there when they did it both to my brother and me, saying he was in the room it was done quick and there was no pain. Some BS about how if they do it right after birth there is no pain, that I showed no discomfort, lying through the skin of his teeth, trying to tell me they don't sell the skin, that they handed it to him, as if that makes it better that makes it so much worse, him being in the room and watching it happen would be so much worse, and he is 100% lying about the no pain thing they think I am that stupid. I then called my mom and she said the opposite that he wasn't there and that my brothers happened 8 days latter in the UK, there is so much there I am not being told to be gas lit like this the way he talk about it being some peace of skin as if it would be better if he kept it, t he got off on doing it to me there is some strange shit going on I can't keep loosing time to being upset over this but how am I supposed to move on. My mom changed her mind later tying to cover for my dad saying oh he was there "he was trying to protect you" are they insane, this is braking me, she was talking about it like it was some wonderful thing that happened, I don't see how they don't get that trying to down play it hurts me more. my parents are monsters they failed me.
Working...
X