Wtf is wrong with me?

[Triceratops]

I don't get it. I have nothing to complain about in my life, nothing more than anyone else. Yet I'm so damn butt hurt about being sexually mutilated. Why do I experience suicidal ideations over something so trivial? Many men don't even realize (or admit) there's a problem.

Foregens lack of progress kills me. Maybe I just crave sex too much? I masturbate as often as I have sex, and frequently find myself yearning for a medication that did so much harm to me yet made sexual incredible for me.

I just read about Jonathan Conte, and a big part of me was jealous. He was an intactivist with tremendous impact, and now he's free from this life. Why is sex such a huge part of my life?

I see the foreskin I was supposed to have in both my sons. They have such long foreskins! I wasn't loosely cut, that evil doctor cut a ton of skin from me and I'm just fortunate (?!) to have as much left as I do.

Years of tugging has been nearly fruitless for me. I've always been unstable and angry. I don't trust any of the therapists I've seen to open up to them about the true nature of my pain, as they don't even handle my trivial issues in a way that I would consider appropiate, and the one I could have really opened up to is no longer accessible to me (we both moved, and opposite directions at that).

I'm not going to hurt myself, but it's infuriating to combat the desire. Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I move on like so many other sexual trauma victims? Wtf is wrong with me?

[parsecskin]

Our time here on Earth in flesh and blood is a proving ground for our souls for all eternity. Everyone is given some type of life long challenge and how you deal with it determines whether you are a good soul or an asshole. The mere fact that you chose to end the cycle by leaving your sons intact proves you are a good soul. What happened to you, me and every guy who was cut is NOT trivial. It is a big deal. Your sons are your lifeline. Turn your anger into a positive thing. Become an intactivist. You don't have to be one of the Bloodstained Men, just educate people around you to help break the cycle. I know the anger you speak of as I was cut as an adult and remember all to well what it was like. It infuriates me that I was coerced into it and the doctors actually flat out lie and withhold critical information. At least you don't have THAT to deal with. I know every time I save a boy from this by educating the parents, it makes me feel real good inside. Calm, peaceful.
How long have you been tugging? With what? what's your regimen? Tobacco? Bad bad bad! Good diet? Drink water? I have been tugging for 3 years now and have gone from a CI1 to 3.5. I'm now flirting on the edge of rollover. Restoration takes a fair amount of experimenting to find just the right combination of things. Once you have figured it out, it works. Starting is slow, but as you gain skin, you grow more skin simply because there is more skin under tension.

[shaunism]

Sex is important for everyone, and what was done to you isn't trivial - don't belittle yourself that way.

It can be tough trusting a therapist, but there are a lot of good ones out there. There's also medication - Prozac is used for depression and compulsive thoughts. Could be an option, it's like taking a mental deep breath.

But keep trying to find someone - don't let the jerks get in your way.

[Triceratops]

I guess venting can go a long way. Thanks for the replies. I've been tugging inconsistently for years, but recently getting back into it on a regular basis. I've tried so many devices, but nothing works for me like manual. So I'll keep on tugging.