I hate my circumcision and my penis. But I suppose that's understandable, a lot of people have issues with how they view their body.
But what I hate the most is how much I've been affected by my circumcision.
I'm obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with the fact that I was cut. I can't do anything about it, I guess.
I live with an area where the majority of people are uncut. At the worst times, when I go shopping for example, I can't help but think that the majority of people around my are perfectly fine. I feel lower than them. I really envy how they can go about their days, the majority of them, and not have to dwell on their penis, or the fact that it was cut.
And another real blow to my self-esteem? My parents waited a little for the rabbi (we aren't even Jewish) they hired to circumcise me because my penis was smaller than usual, even for a baby apparently. I don't even know how that works, what the fuck.
I hate how when I see foreign actors on certain TV shows, I think immediately about how they are probably uncut.
I brought up the question about why I was cut to my dad, who is also cut. Innocently, too. No anger in my voice. He just got pissy. I brought up to my mom more than once and she suggested that I was getting obsessed, and she is right, she just doesn't know the full extent.
Why does this have to affect me so much? Millions of men all across the world are cut all the time, but why did it have to get to me? So many cut men go about their lives without a second thought, and I can't even go maybe half an hour at best without thinking about it. Am I just weak? Am I just being silly? I probably am, and I don't know how to stop myself.
I can't wear a device. I move too much during the day to do that. Even tape with an elastic strap, probably too much. I can't even take a break every hour to do cyclic tensioning until I'm home.
This whole circumcision thing is really wearing me down.
But what I hate the most is how much I've been affected by my circumcision.
I'm obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with the fact that I was cut. I can't do anything about it, I guess.
I live with an area where the majority of people are uncut. At the worst times, when I go shopping for example, I can't help but think that the majority of people around my are perfectly fine. I feel lower than them. I really envy how they can go about their days, the majority of them, and not have to dwell on their penis, or the fact that it was cut.
And another real blow to my self-esteem? My parents waited a little for the rabbi (we aren't even Jewish) they hired to circumcise me because my penis was smaller than usual, even for a baby apparently. I don't even know how that works, what the fuck.
I hate how when I see foreign actors on certain TV shows, I think immediately about how they are probably uncut.
I brought up the question about why I was cut to my dad, who is also cut. Innocently, too. No anger in my voice. He just got pissy. I brought up to my mom more than once and she suggested that I was getting obsessed, and she is right, she just doesn't know the full extent.
Why does this have to affect me so much? Millions of men all across the world are cut all the time, but why did it have to get to me? So many cut men go about their lives without a second thought, and I can't even go maybe half an hour at best without thinking about it. Am I just weak? Am I just being silly? I probably am, and I don't know how to stop myself.
I can't wear a device. I move too much during the day to do that. Even tape with an elastic strap, probably too much. I can't even take a break every hour to do cyclic tensioning until I'm home.
This whole circumcision thing is really wearing me down.
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