Therapist Needed?

[LookingGlass]

I figured I might need to see a therapist to deal with my anger, but then I went back on that. Just recently, I looked up stuff about the frenulum, and I got pissed to the point of ranting to myself in a deranged fashion, because I'd realized that I couldn't tell if I had a frenulum; I couldn't tell precisely how much of my body had been taken. Should I see a therapist, or try to deal with this through focusing on restoration?

[Epimoni]

I went through a brief period of anger when I first learned what had been taken from me.. I wanted someone to blame, someone to berate, someone to demand reparations from... After a week of fuming, I realized that none of those things were going to take away the feelings I was having. Forgiveness is the key. Your parents likely only allowed this to happen because they were convinced that it was going to help you. Understand that if they thought it was going to cause you this much anguish, they wouldn't have done it. While it's not possible to go back in time and change what has happened, you've already made the first step to fixing the issue, and that's the most important thing right now.

Without knowing you, it's hard for me to justify saying "you don't need a therapist," because if it's bothering you badly enough, you definitely should talk to one about this. Consider how long you've been angry about this, has it lasted for a time you consider to be too long? Does it affect your overall mood and outlook on life? If you feel like the honest answer to those two questions is yes, then see one.

For me, I recognized that my anger was a temporary reaction to the realization of loss. It took me a couple weeks to forgive the people in my life of what they'd unwittingly done to me. I didn't talk to them about it since I didn't want to cause them any undue grief about having hurt me. After I forgave them, I concentrated my efforts on restoring myself with the care and attention that the process deserves.

I feel for you, I wish you all the best.

Edit: Also, a note about the frenulum. I had my circumcision checked by my doctor and I was informed that what's left of mine was still there. Mine isn't prominent at all and I probably would have thought it was gone if I was left to identify it myself. You may still have part of yours since (I think) it's less common for it to be completely removed than for the remnant to be allowed to remain.

[admin]

Should I see a therapist, or try to deal with this

I would first try venting to strangers. I forgot the name of it, but my kids had a web-based free account with a site where you just dropped in on random people's web cams over and over.

[Orical]

If it's not causing any issues with work or other aspects of your personal life (taking care of errands, getting groceries, feeding yourself, etc), then there's no need for a therapist. But, if it in any way does start to interfere with your productivity or your ability to look after yourself or others, then it's definitely time to see someone for help.

[Rood]

When we scroll down to make a comment ... the box says "Write Something".
That's what you need to do .... write down what you think and feel, and what makes you angry. You don't need to hire and pay a therapist ... be your own "shrink". Put it here in black and white.

Some years back someone I admired and trusted, someone who had beautifully restored his foreskin, secretly opted for a second circ, and when I discovered his intention, and when he e-mailed me to say he had gone through with the procedure, I almost went out of my mind. Night after night I'd wake up screaming. Eventually it became so bad I did consult a therapist, who had me write down my feelings and read them to him at our weekly meetings. After little over a month he told me I'd cured myself, and not to come back unless something untoward happened. I've not had nightmares since.

Put your thoughts into words and we'll "listen".

[LookingGlass]

A close friend of mine (who has expressed anti-circ sentiments in the past) told me that she's been having slight circumfetish-y thoughts (she said they "slip out", so I'm 99% sure she's distressed). She told me after I'd investigated Circlinks to see if the "circumcision erotica" claims were true (I didn't find any erotica, but I felt anxious or afraid or cognitive dissonance or something when reading the "circumcision stories"). She told me that she doesn't want to reach a point where the thoughts don't distress her.
What should we do?
There was a similar topic on the old network--"I've become the monster I once oppressed" is what I think the thread title was. I'd check there for help, but the old site's gone AFAIK.

EDIT: we're pretty sure the thoughts are gone . She had a few fantasies of beating Brian Morris with a frying pan, which she said were her "moral centers" compensating for the circumfetish thoughts.

[LookingGlass]

Last summer, my mom apologized for having me circumcised. Multiple times. I believe that these apologies were sincere.

Later on, she printed out Mark Stern's Slate article for me to read. AFAIK, she didn't read the comments on the article, or do any fact-checking at all.

At first, I thought that her bad research undermined the sincerity of her apologies, but now I'm speculating that, when it comes to circumcision, she isn't that self-aware, or...something.

UPDATE: I talked about it with her, and she said that she didn't have time to do a lot of research, just find the article. From her point of view, I'm obsessing over circumcision and not moving on. Should I tell her about my manual restoration? I consider that a "prelude" to moving on (the restoration makes it so I don't have to think about circ every time I use my penis, which has been a hindrance), but I'm worried she might consider it an obsession.

[LookingGlass]

I've noticed that the grips I use for manual tugging and retaining sort of resemble tools used in circumcision, plus one grip that looks like the TLC. Think there's any deep meaning to this, or just a quirk?

[Swingshiftworker]

Should I see a therapist, or try to deal with this through focusing on restoration?

If your feelings of anger regarding your circumcision are interfering with your life emotionally, socially or otherwise, perhaps that's what you should do. But, you are the only person who can known/decide whether such action is necessary.

Most initial consultations are free and, if you have medical coverage, therapy is also usually included. I don't think there are many therapists who focus on working w/men who feel maligned by their circumcisions but sex therapists should be sensitive to the issue. You can also contact NORM or other restoration men's groups that organize and hold men's groups and may have referral info available. I suggested this in a similar thread recently posted by another member under "Sympathetic Therapists ?." Check it out.

Good luck!

[admin]

I've noticed that the grips I use for manual tugging and retaining sort of resemble tools used in circumcision, plus one grip that looks like the TLC. Think there's any deep meaning to this, or just a quirk?

Please tell me you're not using hemostats for manual tugging.

[LookingGlass]

Please tell me you're not using hemostats for manual tugging.

No. I mean that one thing I use has my fingers gripping the foreskin on either side of the glans, so it kinda looks like that one thing that spreads the foreskin open (or maybe that was two hemostats and I just thought it was one thing). I probably should've used something more specific than "grips".

[LookingGlass]

Originally, I had the idea to make a character in Skyrim, and getting him through his issue would help me work through mine. I'm not sure if that's still necessary. Every so often (for some reason, I want to say 5 times a week), I'll pretend to talk to someone about how ridiculous pro-circumcision stuff is, and I've noticed recently that I'd read /r/intactivists for some reason I'm not immediately aware of.

[parsecskin]

I hear ya man. I do the same thing. I see it as practicing your lines for when you get in a heated discussion about it, the correct answers, complete with sources, just roll off your toungue thereby leaving the. Ignorant in dismay while at the same time sparking their interest. Many will go on to actually research the issue and change their views. Educating people at the grass roots level is the best thing we as intactivists can do. When I talk to prospective parents, Chang their minds and save their child from this heinous practice, it makes me feel really good inside knowing that I am making a difference. People especially listen to me because I am one of the few who have experienced it BOTH ways and I actually KNOW.

[LookingGlass]

The pretend talks I have are just logic-based things like "people say the risks of having foreskin outweigh the benefits, but natural selection says otherwise".
The only sourced things I bring up are a page on a site called islamqa.com that lists reasons for female genital cutting, and the Sorrels 2007 study, but I don't think I'll ever use them because...now that I think about it, I think I'm just /assuming/ those sources are reliable.

[LookingGlass]

I may have gotten myself into a corner. A few times, my mom asked if I was doing "any of that stuff I read about online". I told her I wasn't (because "I spend about 30 minutes a day tugging my penis" sounds weird and obsessive) which I don't think was TECHNICALLY a lie, because I've been doing manual and I'm pretty sure she only knows about device-based tugging.