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  • #31
    here are some reasons that are really negative that I think circumcision is allowed because of. I see it as useful to notice the negative reasons it exists because to not have a voice for them but to notice them makes me feel crazy, or in other words . One reason is, it is the pigmalion effect, with so many people on the planet, people start being more mean to each other. Whoever is weakest can get treated with meanness it seems. The baby can’t fight back or take revenge so people don’t consider the baby as having the same rights. Also, it seems it gives people a good laugh to feel better about themselves for not being circumcized. Thirdly, it makes parenting easier, because the fear of the original pain of being circumcized gets linked up with the parental disapproval I’d bet, so the baby learns from the start to be a people pleaser at the expense of developing their individuality, which makes them better at being subservient, which helps the parents and society. Like alpha monkeys brutalizing the pack , they do it randomly, so the pack is always afraid and always subservient. Circumcizing is an ultimate form of pre emptive spanking it seems. Having a voice for the negative reasons why circumsion exists makes me feel not crazy because it validates how hated I’ve felt. Feeling hated for no reason has made me feel crazy, but seeing the reasoning behind feeling hated, allows me to not feel crazy. I have felt hated because my sexuality has been condemned, even though my sexuality is part of me. Tacitly I have learned that to have no respect given to my sexual organs and to have them removed, means that my sexuality is bad and that I am bad, that I am hated and that my sexuality is hated. And that my penis should decapitate itself from the inside out via the skin tightness and pain from my own erection from missing so much skin, if I ever want to have sex, or that if I want to have sex that my penis should be so limp that my sex is lame, but that is what I have learned tacitly by being circumcized. Admitting I have felt hated, because I was hated, just for being born, has been needed. I was loved too, but I’m allowed to admit that, and that has been told to me a billion times that I’m loved. Saying I’m hated hasn’t been allowed but it’s been felt.

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    • #32
      I had to learn how to only feel pleasure in the frem area and not feel as much as possible in the rest of the penis. If the entire penis feels like it is having an orgasm, it forces ejaculation. But if only the frem area feels like it is having an orgasm, the other parts of the penis, the internal penis, the glans, the prostate, the belly, all of those areas skip the orgasm, and those areas are easily triggering ejaculation when they are feeling the sensation of orgasm. I’ve meditated or focused really intensely like an Olympic diver concentration level on feeling only the frem area and nothing else. The frem area having its own orgasm doesn’t trigger ejaculation so easily, and it has an orgasm that has far more pleasure to it than the other parts of the body feel during orgasm. The frem area can sustain a level of pleasure that the other parts of the penis can only reach for a split second as a spike of pleasure. I’m not really upset when I have a good orgasm about how much pleasure I feel, and I feel grateful as well. I have heard some people can have an orgasm via a foot massage, as if they have made their entire body erogonous. I have wondered if I’ve unknowingly become a tantric on account of being circumcized , and if I’ve erogonized the areas of my body close to my genitals.

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      • #33
        I just ordered the tlc x. I lost my cone last night. It was coincidence though that that’s when I ordered the tlc x. Maybe I’ll find the cone. I was so excited to begin tugging , and I have switched attitudes sometimes to resentment that I have to tug. It is strange to feel so good when I am grateful and so bad when I am upset for the same experience. The feeling of tugging is enjoyable physically and mentally. I think the tlc x will be quicker as far as getting results and I’m looking forward to that. I’ve stopped being insecure about penis size , somewhat because of learning about being circumcized, I feel like something about learning about it, made me more mature, to learn about how difficult that would have been for me, and how difficult it has made my life , like something about processing intellectually that I’ve been circumcised, made me grow up beyond caring about if someone thinks my penis is hot or not. Maybe I resent that people say it looks better to be circumcized, so I can easily now with that resentment, go to the other side, from caring too much to look pleasing , to not caring at all to look pleasing. Or maybe my definition of what is “pleasing looking” is changing, and I’m liking my body as it is. A difficult thing from unplugging from the common view of circumcision is to feel a bit alienated on a certain level. On another level, there is no alienation and I can communicate with people normally. Even if my mom doesn’t understand how messed up it made me to be circumcised, I don’t need her to. For awhile I wanted to document all my suffering and have every detail of it known. As if other people knowing my suffering helped me move on from it.

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        • #34
          I heard oxygen is the most corrosive element on earth, that it will rust even metal. I think that it is the air that is so important to keep the glans from. I have been staying uncovered for the last few hours and slept uncovered last night, and I’m getting used to the feeling again. I think to remain feeling good uncovered, it requires a mental trick, to block the feeling of the penis, and since restoring , I no longer have to block the feeling of my penis, and can instead enjoy it, sexually and non sexually, for as long as i remember to. And now when I am uncovered, I remember the trick of blocking the feeling of my penis, and that way I’m not emotional in response to being in pain from the glans being hurt by the air, and I can still have a good body buzz going on. It’s just like every part of my body is invited to the party except the surface of the glans , I think that’s the only area that needs to be blocked out, other than the frem area. I have heard the pain and pleasure centres overlap in the brain. Sometimes that seems true to me, that pain from erections , as long as the pain isn’t too much, the pain is converted into pleasure. I notice the pain being converted to pleasure when erect sometimes. But the pain of the flaccid glans being hurt, I guess by being dehydrated by the air, converting that pain into pleasure, I have not noticed. That pain as far as I know only converts into numbness. Being uncovered these days while flaccid is very intense , it is like there is an obvious sensation in my penis that I can’t forget. It is making me more awake to be uncovered , like getting slapped. But if I stay uncovered, I’d guess after a few days or weeks I’d be numb on the glans .

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          • #35
            Being circumcized prevented my confidence, on account of preventing my ability to perform well sexually, my confidence was affected all the way to the first meet and greet with a potential mate, because the subconscious image of my sexual inability would be there, and I hadn’t processed it. I never let it be conscious. Even though I still have limits from being circumcised, as I don’t know what percent complete my restoration is, I feel more confident because I have processed , thought about, and felt emotions as a result of thinking about the sexual inabilities I have . Before I thought about them, they were there, but I didn’t see them. So I felt awkward around flirting because the effects of circumcision were still there giving me difficulty. Now the difficulty that is there is mitigated by the hope of restoring, and the self acceptance I’ve gained from grieving. Losing my cone this week and not tugging for at least a few days, went well with getting trashed, like it had a synergistic effect combined with not sleeping enough and eating junk food to make me really depressed. Tugging again I thought even while flaccid, there is so much constriction pressure, and tugging relieves it. I focus on my penis to meditate. I heard there is a Tao-ist technique to center one’s awareness in some part of the body, like the toe, and once someone achieves total centering in one part of their body, then their true center opens up automatically, which is the naval center, and they reach a new level of spirituality. when I focus on the sensation of my penis non stop as a background activity to whatever else I’m doing , there is a mental physical byproduct that happens, that I Feel warm good energy, it is a feeling of well being and being at peace, and that my mind is calmed.
            Last edited by Zbubs; 03-28-2021, 05:13 AM.

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            • #36
              I freaked when I read that I may have been force fed while being circumcized, like how that would have disturbed my sense of autonomy to have that done, and later I would have associated the pain of circumcision with breast feeding I’d bet, which would have been turning me into even more of an ork from lord of the rings, and even further taking away my sense of comfort and safety in my own body, making me more scared and helpless feeling. I just got pretty upset thinking about that , and had to do some self care practices yesterday to deal with that. My self care practices to deal with my anxiety are meditation, drugs, healthy eating, friends, walks, sleep, water, juices from my juicer, appreciating beauty, and I like being depressed sometimes too because it is a safe old friend to be depressed, but not a friend who is interested to do anything and go out and have fun. Getting used to not being depressed has been a challenge. There is anticipation of getting better while depressed, that I read it is a thing to mourn, when getting better. Like it is enjoyable to anticipate getting better, and once better, there is no fun to be had anymore from anticipating getting better it seems maybe. It upgrades my personality to not be depressed, and my personality keeps growing, and the endlessness of the upgrading is daunting sometimes because each new level requires being alert and awake, and it is exhausting. It makes me think to stay in depression, but depression sucks, so I am sticking to self care practices in moderation to not be too depressed. More and more the tendency is to consider at least, to try monk mode two point o, which will be, without constant fever, unlike previous monk modes that I did on cooked food, that triggers fever each time eaten, because the cooked food sends white blood cells to the digestive tract, and the body creates a fever so it works faster to get the cooked food out of the body, that process I think is called digestive gluco cite o sis, and I think it is very exhausting to have it happening all the time. I think the digestive glucocitosis exhaustion of eating cooked food my whole life prevented erectile intensity and therefore prevented me from knowing my penis is messed up. The difference is a lot between eating raw and cooked as far as how much energy I have, and the longest I have attempted eating raw has been about two weeks. Monk mode on cooked food I’ve done for months, on a few occasions . It was ok, I had a lot of energy, I was more happy and had more stability. I was more bored though a lot of the time.

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              • #37
                My heart has been broken learning about circumcision, initially because of learning of the nastiness of circumcision, but later because that it shows how normalized it is to ignore the nastiness of circumcision , like to realize how brainwashed about circumcision I have been, has been a shock of its own, to see how silly and stupid I have been, based on seemingly an inferiority complex, that since it is MY penis that is filleted, being filleted must mean that I’m a better lover, and therefore foreskin must have been useless too and I’m better off without it. I couldn’t focus on why a foreskin could be good, that my foreskin is a mood regulator I think, like hardware to feel good, and the foreskin biome I think is software to feel good. I’m pretty sure I’ve always been depressed, at least this feels true to me sometimes, that I’ve always been depressed, except for sometimes I’ve been non depressed, when in love, or getting a new job, or a new bike or something, and restoring, I think especially removing the protein layers off the mucosa areas, is making me not depressed , as my normal self, even if I over eat greasy food. It is taking away an inferiority complex to restore and understand the mental and physical implications of circumcision . How could I not have an inferiority complex with a not working properly penis? Especially without the ability to admit my penis is crippled, due to being lied to, so that I believe my penis is normally functional. If I can at least grieve my crippled penis i can overcome the inferiority complex associated with it maybe, but to be even kept ignorant that I’m crippled to begin with, seems to further guarantee an inferiority complex.

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