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  • #31
    here are some reasons that are really negative that I think circumcision is allowed because of. I see it as useful to notice the negative reasons it exists because to not have a voice for them but to notice them makes me feel crazy, or in other words . One reason is, it is the pigmalion effect, with so many people on the planet, people start being more mean to each other. Whoever is weakest can get treated with meanness it seems. The baby can’t fight back or take revenge so people don’t consider the baby as having the same rights. Also, it seems it gives people a good laugh to feel better about themselves for not being circumcized. Thirdly, it makes parenting easier, because the fear of the original pain of being circumcized gets linked up with the parental disapproval I’d bet, so the baby learns from the start to be a people pleaser at the expense of developing their individuality, which makes them better at being subservient, which helps the parents and society. Like alpha monkeys brutalizing the pack , they do it randomly, so the pack is always afraid and always subservient. Circumcizing is an ultimate form of pre emptive spanking it seems. Having a voice for the negative reasons why circumsion exists makes me feel not crazy because it validates how hated I’ve felt. Feeling hated for no reason has made me feel crazy, but seeing the reasoning behind feeling hated, allows me to not feel crazy. I have felt hated because my sexuality has been condemned, even though my sexuality is part of me. Tacitly I have learned that to have no respect given to my sexual organs and to have them removed, means that my sexuality is bad and that I am bad, that I am hated and that my sexuality is hated. And that my penis should decapitate itself from the inside out via the skin tightness and pain from my own erection from missing so much skin, if I ever want to have sex, or that if I want to have sex that my penis should be so limp that my sex is lame, but that is what I have learned tacitly by being circumcized. Admitting I have felt hated, because I was hated, just for being born, has been needed. I was loved too, but I’m allowed to admit that, and that has been told to me a billion times that I’m loved. Saying I’m hated hasn’t been allowed but it’s been felt.

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    • #32
      I had to learn how to only feel pleasure in the frem area and not feel as much as possible in the rest of the penis. If the entire penis feels like it is having an orgasm, it forces ejaculation. But if only the frem area feels like it is having an orgasm, the other parts of the penis, the internal penis, the glans, the prostate, the belly, all of those areas skip the orgasm, and those areas are easily triggering ejaculation when they are feeling the sensation of orgasm. I’ve meditated or focused really intensely like an Olympic diver concentration level on feeling only the frem area and nothing else. The frem area having its own orgasm doesn’t trigger ejaculation so easily, and it has an orgasm that has far more pleasure to it than the other parts of the body feel during orgasm. The frem area can sustain a level of pleasure that the other parts of the penis can only reach for a split second as a spike of pleasure. I’m not really upset when I have a good orgasm about how much pleasure I feel, and I feel grateful as well. I have heard some people can have an orgasm via a foot massage, as if they have made their entire body erogonous. I have wondered if I’ve unknowingly become a tantric on account of being circumcized , and if I’ve erogonized the areas of my body close to my genitals.

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      • #33
        I just ordered the tlc x. I lost my cone last night. It was coincidence though that that’s when I ordered the tlc x. Maybe I’ll find the cone. I was so excited to begin tugging , and I have switched attitudes sometimes to resentment that I have to tug. It is strange to feel so good when I am grateful and so bad when I am upset for the same experience. The feeling of tugging is enjoyable physically and mentally. I think the tlc x will be quicker as far as getting results and I’m looking forward to that. I’ve stopped being insecure about penis size , somewhat because of learning about being circumcized, I feel like something about learning about it, made me more mature, to learn about how difficult that would have been for me, and how difficult it has made my life , like something about processing intellectually that I’ve been circumcised, made me grow up beyond caring about if someone thinks my penis is hot or not. Maybe I resent that people say it looks better to be circumcized, so I can easily now with that resentment, go to the other side, from caring too much to look pleasing , to not caring at all to look pleasing. Or maybe my definition of what is “pleasing looking” is changing, and I’m liking my body as it is. A difficult thing from unplugging from the common view of circumcision is to feel a bit alienated on a certain level. On another level, there is no alienation and I can communicate with people normally. Even if my mom doesn’t understand how messed up it made me to be circumcised, I don’t need her to. For awhile I wanted to document all my suffering and have every detail of it known. As if other people knowing my suffering helped me move on from it.

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        • #34
          I heard oxygen is the most corrosive element on earth, that it will rust even metal. I think that it is the air that is so important to keep the glans from. I have been staying uncovered for the last few hours and slept uncovered last night, and I’m getting used to the feeling again. I think to remain feeling good uncovered, it requires a mental trick, to block the feeling of the penis, and since restoring , I no longer have to block the feeling of my penis, and can instead enjoy it, sexually and non sexually, for as long as i remember to. And now when I am uncovered, I remember the trick of blocking the feeling of my penis, and that way I’m not emotional in response to being in pain from the glans being hurt by the air, and I can still have a good body buzz going on. It’s just like every part of my body is invited to the party except the surface of the glans , I think that’s the only area that needs to be blocked out, other than the frem area. I have heard the pain and pleasure centres overlap in the brain. Sometimes that seems true to me, that pain from erections , as long as the pain isn’t too much, the pain is converted into pleasure. I notice the pain being converted to pleasure when erect sometimes. But the pain of the flaccid glans being hurt, I guess by being dehydrated by the air, converting that pain into pleasure, I have not noticed. That pain as far as I know only converts into numbness. Being uncovered these days while flaccid is very intense , it is like there is an obvious sensation in my penis that I can’t forget. It is making me more awake to be uncovered , like getting slapped. But if I stay uncovered, I’d guess after a few days or weeks I’d be numb on the glans .

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          • #35
            Being circumcized prevented my confidence, on account of preventing my ability to perform well sexually, my confidence was affected all the way to the first meet and greet with a potential mate, because the subconscious image of my sexual inability would be there, and I hadn’t processed it. I never let it be conscious. Even though I still have limits from being circumcised, as I don’t know what percent complete my restoration is, I feel more confident because I have processed , thought about, and felt emotions as a result of thinking about the sexual inabilities I have . Before I thought about them, they were there, but I didn’t see them. So I felt awkward around flirting because the effects of circumcision were still there giving me difficulty. Now the difficulty that is there is mitigated by the hope of restoring, and the self acceptance I’ve gained from grieving. Losing my cone this week and not tugging for at least a few days, went well with getting trashed, like it had a synergistic effect combined with not sleeping enough and eating junk food to make me really depressed. Tugging again I thought even while flaccid, there is so much constriction pressure, and tugging relieves it. I focus on my penis to meditate. I heard there is a Tao-ist technique to center one’s awareness in some part of the body, like the toe, and once someone achieves total centering in one part of their body, then their true center opens up automatically, which is the naval center, and they reach a new level of spirituality. when I focus on the sensation of my penis non stop as a background activity to whatever else I’m doing , there is a mental physical byproduct that happens, that I Feel warm good energy, it is a feeling of well being and being at peace, and that my mind is calmed.
            Last edited by Zbubs; 03-28-2021, 05:13 AM.

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            • #36
              I freaked when I read that I may have been force fed while being circumcized, like how that would have disturbed my sense of autonomy to have that done, and later I would have associated the pain of circumcision with breast feeding I’d bet, which would have been turning me into even more of an ork from lord of the rings, and even further taking away my sense of comfort and safety in my own body, making me more scared and helpless feeling. I just got pretty upset thinking about that , and had to do some self care practices yesterday to deal with that. My self care practices to deal with my anxiety are meditation, drugs, healthy eating, friends, walks, sleep, water, juices from my juicer, appreciating beauty, and I like being depressed sometimes too because it is a safe old friend to be depressed, but not a friend who is interested to do anything and go out and have fun. Getting used to not being depressed has been a challenge. There is anticipation of getting better while depressed, that I read it is a thing to mourn, when getting better. Like it is enjoyable to anticipate getting better, and once better, there is no fun to be had anymore from anticipating getting better it seems maybe. It upgrades my personality to not be depressed, and my personality keeps growing, and the endlessness of the upgrading is daunting sometimes because each new level requires being alert and awake, and it is exhausting. It makes me think to stay in depression, but depression sucks, so I am sticking to self care practices in moderation to not be too depressed. More and more the tendency is to consider at least, to try monk mode two point o, which will be, without constant fever, unlike previous monk modes that I did on cooked food, that triggers fever each time eaten, because the cooked food sends white blood cells to the digestive tract, and the body creates a fever so it works faster to get the cooked food out of the body, that process I think is called digestive gluco cite o sis, and I think it is very exhausting to have it happening all the time. I think the digestive glucocitosis exhaustion of eating cooked food my whole life prevented erectile intensity and therefore prevented me from knowing my penis is messed up. The difference is a lot between eating raw and cooked as far as how much energy I have, and the longest I have attempted eating raw has been about two weeks. Monk mode on cooked food I’ve done for months, on a few occasions . It was ok, I had a lot of energy, I was more happy and had more stability. I was more bored though a lot of the time.

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              • #37
                My heart has been broken learning about circumcision, initially because of learning of the nastiness of circumcision, but later because that it shows how normalized it is to ignore the nastiness of circumcision , like to realize how brainwashed about circumcision I have been, has been a shock of its own, to see how silly and stupid I have been, based on seemingly an inferiority complex, that since it is MY penis that is filleted, being filleted must mean that I’m a better lover, and therefore foreskin must have been useless too and I’m better off without it. I couldn’t focus on why a foreskin could be good, that my foreskin is a mood regulator I think, like hardware to feel good, and the foreskin biome I think is software to feel good. I’m pretty sure I’ve always been depressed, at least this feels true to me sometimes, that I’ve always been depressed, except for sometimes I’ve been non depressed, when in love, or getting a new job, or a new bike or something, and restoring, I think especially removing the protein layers off the mucosa areas, is making me not depressed , as my normal self, even if I over eat greasy food. It is taking away an inferiority complex to restore and understand the mental and physical implications of circumcision . How could I not have an inferiority complex with a not working properly penis? Especially without the ability to admit my penis is crippled, due to being lied to, so that I believe my penis is normally functional. If I can at least grieve my crippled penis i can overcome the inferiority complex associated with it maybe, but to be even kept ignorant that I’m crippled to begin with, seems to further guarantee an inferiority complex.

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                • #38
                  I heard the gut biome weighs three pounds. If I stay covered to remain non depressed but over eat grease, I am too much an idiot. I’ve began monk mode version 1.5. It is including smoking, cooked food, and otherwise is only eating a meal of one kind of fruit, like two pounds maybe, like five apples is a meal, or five or 7 bananas, or five mangos. Then I wait 4 hours after a meal before eating the next meal, so my enamel repairs, as I’ve heard a microscopically thin layer of enamel is removed off teeth when eating, and teeth are ready for the next meal hours later after the enamel has rebuilt. In between meals I sip a litre of water at one sip per minute , 500ml per hour, so that my body doesn’t send the water to my bladder too quickly, and therefore I’m not robbed of electrolytes , and therefore the water I drink more efficiently goes to the cells of my body than if I drank it. I’ve been trying to eat three meals of fruit per day, and one meal of lettuce, and to sip three litres of water per day. I’m already noticing improvements in my ability to play video games on mm1.5, I can win levels more easily, that I’d be stuck on previously. Like more healthy my gut biome, more my fragmented mind defragments maybe, more comprehensive and well rounded my perspective. I think the gut biome is called the second brain maybe, I’ve heard the belly is the second brain, and I’ve often thought the gut bacteria is made to regulate being happy, like the gut makes serotonin or something like that, and that sort of chemical is to do with happiness, but I think the biome has a lot to do with intelligence too.

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                  • #39
                    Restoring in a culture that endorses genital cutting and lies about foreskin bluntly and overtly that it doesn’t remove significant amount of pleasure to have it removed, feels traumatizing sometimes. It was traumatizing being taught my foreskin was useless, and it was traumatizing necessarily becoming mentally disabled to believe such nonsense, like believing it was useless, was literally to become mentally disabled / traumatized to some degree, and what was traumatizing about it was, i had to believe My own body was coming with part of it being useless garbage accidental skin , or look a fool, and go against the convention wisdom, that was well endorsed, and well scientifically documented . Who was I to disagree whenever I first learned that? Who am I to disagree even now? I have no credentials. I only learned otherwise , that foreskin is useful, since four months ago. Before then I thought, oh phew, foreskin is useless, because my research says so. Now I feel like I’ve been duped, and it is like I’ve been foolish, like i can’t trust myself, or / and that I can’t trust the health authorities so much to know what they are talking about, at least on this issue of foreskin being useless. Before restoring it took like ten units of pleasure to trigger the point of no return, and now it takes like 70 or 100 units of pleasure to trigger the point of no return. The trajectory seems like a thousand units of pleasure will be my threshold point of no return once I’m done restoring. The mental affect of feeling so much more pleasure is shock, and otherwise when I see beautiful women passing by, instead of being frustrated, I feel joyful. I used to feel emotionally hurt, the more beautiful woman passing by, the more upset I would feel that I felt powerless to seduce her, and like I couldn’t have her, that feeling of sick desperation is leaving. The part of my mind that was disabled by believing foreskin is useless is my intuition . My intuition had to be screaming “of course foreskin is useful”, and learning something like foreskin is useless , I think on an unconscious level, went very much against my intuition , and set precedent for ignoring my intuition .
                    Last edited by Zbubs; 04-22-2021, 10:17 AM.

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                    • #40
                      I have been considering or struggling to understand why to be disciplined with my diet. The last time I wrote about monk mode 1.5, later that day or the next day I quit and went back to eating mostly junk food. I had moments of consideration with tugging, that maybe I won’t restore, but those moments were rare, and short lived. I had fears of tugging too, what if my restored penis looks gross, and what if my penis is better functioning unrestored I thought, maybe restoring will not be helpful to my orgasms or to my pride that I won’t like how I look and feel. I quickly used logic to remove those concerns, and have been enjoying to tug Every day. I have an appreciation of patience that I am getting via tugging, and an experience of being consistent at something because I want to and not because I have to. And also I am learning to be happy where I’m at, while also looking forward to getting better, in regards to restoration status. I think having an audience to show off to and share my experiences with might help motivate me to tug, but mainly the motivation is from the understanding of the benefit of tugging, and the understanding is a lot from information from this forum. That is why I am considering joining another online community for the area of diet, because maybe it will be as helpful to inform me and seemingly therefore motivate me to eat well consistently as like how this forum is helping me be so consistent with tugging.

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                      • #41
                        Do in tact guys get wet when they are turned on? I have penis smell sometimes when wearing the tlc tugger. If I lost my tlc x I would replace it hella fast, and if I lost my tlc tugger I’d replace it pretty quickly. I like having both, because the tlc tugger is more comfortable a bit , so I wear it at night. The tlc x still gets a 10 out of 10 for comfort. The tlc tugger just gets an 11. I just googled, the wetness I smelled I think is called smegma, and it seems getting turned on releases more smegma. I never had penis smell until recently . It was different than BO of the balls . At first I thought it must be pee, and then thought the area above the scar line is mucosal area, so it Would secrete something like mucus probably. I’ve forgotten that for me, regular fremgasms are needed to relax and have perspective. I heard a story of a guy who quit weed While writing a book, and then after he finished the book, he smoked a joint, and instantly knew his entire book was garbage, That took him weeks to write. That story reminded me of how I felt after a fremgasm this morning, that I felt in such a way better mood for the rest of the day after that it reminds me , to just have two or five second long orgasms isn’t worth it, they take so much energy via ejaculation , and they leave me drained. Whereas in spite of ejaculating, with long fremgasms, like 15 seconds long, in succession, one after the next for a couple minutes prior to ejaculation, I am still left with so much extra energy for the rest of the day after by it, like good mood energy. Not superfluous extra energy that I need to go for a jog or smoke to relax the energy down more because it is too much. The fremgasm afterglow is a really well balanced good feeling. It makes me think fremgasms should be part of self care and that without them I am too serious and uptight. At one point my penis got wet , like two drops of liquid , while flaccid, within a minute or so, while tugging. I thought, must be pee because of how quickly it happened. But maybe the penis can secrete lubricant that quickly. It was hard to have the fine connection to the feeling of my penis tip to tell if it was dripping pee, because I wasn’t paying attention, and the tugging feeling can kind of distort how the glans feels that I wouldn’t be able to tell so easily a drip of pee was coming out when tugging, But now that I’m attentive and paying attention to it more, I should be able to tell.

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                        • #42
                          I joined an online support group , or sort of like a forum , for eating healthy. It is cool. I am starting to feel at home there. There are healing crisis’ with changing diets that are a mental thing purely on some level, and it is just like with restoring. I am getting better at watching my mind, meditating. The last time I was watching my mind was while falling asleep, and my dream got scary, and I panicked and woke up, and couldn’t keep watching my mind calmly at the moment of panic and waking up . I have learned why I didn’t want to be consistent with being healthy, because once I cover and tug, my root groin chakra gets sealed so that metaphysical energy stops leaking out it, and my energy starts building , as my chakras light up, all the way to my crown chakra. Without my groin root chakra being covered, my energy is constantly depleted usually, but with it covered, my energy starts to build up, and when eating healthy, it hella builds my energy, until it is all the way up my chakras to my crown chakra. Or in non woo woo terms, eating healthy makes my energy in my body and in my mind amplified by like 20 times, and my mind becomes more active. And to watch my mind is still scary for me. The last time I watched my mind, while falling asleep, it turned into a nightmare, and I tried my best to stay calm and couldn’t, so eating healthy triggers having to deal with whatever blocking point I’m having with my meditation these days. I’ve been stuck at the “watching my mind and dreams” phase for a long time.

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                          • #43
                            I forgot about my foreskin biome , that with the tlc x, without the stacker plates, I’m not covered kind of, because air will be exposed to some of the mucusal area. Therefore I’m going to order stacker plates soon, and a long maybe custom rod if possible that is 10 inches or longer. I’ve been taping today and enjoying so much the feeling of warmth and comfort that has been coming from my foreskin, aka the love organ . I wonder if whatever hormones associated with love are given to me via being covered, like my foreskin is generating hormones properly for the first time. And if people circumcized at birth can’t grow facial hair as well I’ve wondered, like I heard animals neutered too early makes their faces not grow to looking fully mature. I might tape the vent hole in my tlc tugger. I’ve lost foreskin sensitivity gradually and without realizing by sleeping uncovered so much too, So I’m going to begin taping again while sleeping. and as for in the day, maybe I’ll tug with the vent covered using the tlc tugger, and then wait for the stacking plates to arrive before going back to the tlc x. I thought my mood suffering the last few days has been detox symptoms from my new diet, but after being taped all day today, my mood has been so good from it that I think I just needed a foreskin biome touchup . I noticed that once my mood gets worse from being uncovered more often, there has been a forgetfulness sometimes that a better mood exists. And then when I find a better mood, I remember that I have felt that good before, and it is like had I not remembered a better mood version of myself exists, I could have got stuck in a less good mood version of myself forever.

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                            • #44
                              I don’t like my personality as much when I’m not wearing the tlc x. But I have to keep taping or tlc tuggering because I’m too much liking the feeling of optimally being covered. The tlc x I think stretched the mucosal area, maybe stimulating it, and it gives an energy boost, it feels like I’m a bigger person with the tlc x, like I’m not bothered by petty stuff, I’m more intense, more awake, more alive feeling. It is amazing. Going back to being taped feels like so boring. But there is a hidden joy to it to that I have re found that makes it not boring. I enjoy my body buzz way more constantly, And have thought the reason beautiful women don’t hurt my feelings from how much I feel powerless to have sex , is because I feel subtle flaccid orgasmic joy in the presence of them, unlike ever before, and it is pleasurable enough and well balanced enough, it is not like I am slobbering with delight like a dog or something having an orgasm, but there is a good enough feeling that I am not stuck in my head thinking how beautiful she is, and how much I would like to have her, but instead I can feel more tuned into the moment, like I can communicate more without trying and on more levels and also so that I feel more in control. Restoring feels like my body can finally relax, like I can drop a fight that was happening from within my body, presumably the glans always tensing up and yelling for help, and my body and mind trying to ignore it. It validates a lot of tension I’ve had throughout my life to understand foreskin is cool, I want to cry for people who are circumcised almost. I sometimes want to wear a shirt that says something indicative of that tugging is a real thing that exists. I have found it is not taboo to talk about circumcision, so long as it is done with authenticity and not spite, and so long as it isn’t done with a sense of “Hey your life is meaningless if you don’t restore, trust me I know better than you, I’m already restoring.” The pain I get now from being uncovered is sharp and spasmatic. And I have noticed some new, I think, hairs growing on my face, and I’m 34.

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                              • #45
                                My penis head is my third eye, and my foreskin is my third eyelid. Without foreskin my third eye is dried out, and I am spiritually blind. My sense of wholeness and totality is gone without my third eye being activated, and my sense of wholeness and totality is my spirituality , it is what I need to have proper perspective, because without wholeness and totality, without feeling complete as I am, then, all I am doing , is trying to find wholeness and totality indirectly by accumulation of things like money, love, and drugs. Those things are cool but not as substitutes for wholeness and totality, those things should be symptoms of wholeness and totality. And my damn foreskin restoring gives me the feeling of being complete automatically pretty much, I have to do a few other things like eat right and live rightly , but restoration was the missing key. I feel a connection to me penis like I feel a connection to my tongue. Like it is a very closely felt, right up in the front of my mind, prominent connection of feeling. I think even the middle of the head, like the tissue inside the middle of the glans is being healed. A good feeling body is a prerequisite to living , like I can sing for the first time these days as I want to. I have been changing my diet lately so maybe that is to account for my upgraded singing voice too, but at least for a good chunk of the singing upgrade I’ve had recently , I know, that the reason I can sing better is because I can relax and am not so strained, and that’s because of restoring. I’ve been singing for years, not good at it, and valuing singing so much because I love music and therefore am bothered by how much I don’t like my voice. Recently when I sang a whole song without strain it was one of the best moments I’ve had, it was like I cured a form of “singing ADD” I’ve self diagnosed myself as having. Like I could focus on the song and not on how well I was performing.

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