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  • #61
    I feel like bradly cooper in limitless wearing this new stacker plate for the second day. I have heard a saying “give from the surplus, not from the tank.”. I am pretty sure being circumcized took away my tank and my surplus, and over the years, I created a tank and a surplus in a very costly way, via causing myself adrenal fatigue, overloading my body to the point of exhaustion , by eating and sleeping and hydrating wrongly, or just by getting stoned, until I was running on hormones rather than nutrients, and strung out, and sometimes in peaks of being strung out, I would have a tank, and have a surplus, and know what that saying meant to give from the surplus not the tank. When I fell in love I knew what a tank and a surplus was too. And wearing the new stacker plate gives me a tank and surplus too. And it makes me realize that it is normal to have a tank and surplus , and I’ve been missing it my whole life. I think being circumcized, I have a feeling , I can’t explain why, that being circumcized causes sexual repression, and I mean on another level than the physical loss of tissue causing someone to not be able to achieve orgasm and therefore be like pent up and bothered constantly, by their unscratched itch. But I mean in a different way, that it causes repression purely on a mental level, that it gives the person bad associations , because it is so painful to be circumcized, that in the future they still won’t want to have orgasms even if they suddenly have full in tactness by means of magic, they still would have a mental block somehow. Maybe I am projecting onto people because I am really talking about me, I have been fearful to have more and more pleasurable orgasms sometimes. It is so intense to have orgasms . The way people do dmt , only once every so many years or months, as to pay respect to the power of the substance and process of healing it triggers, that Reminded me how I have felt about having quality orgasms sometimes. On some level I think it teaches low self esteem to be circumcized, like it teaches me I am not worthy of pleasure, that I am supposed to suffer, simply because I was made to suffer. It doesn’t teach me that anymore. I these days try to have as much pleasure as possible, and I see it as a challenge how much pleasure I can have.

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    • #62
      I pulled an old fashioned today and went out and about on the town uncovered and not tugging . I almost never go uncovered anywhere anytime these days. Maybe if my tugger falls off I will be uncovered while out in public , which it has fallen off more than once in public and I have had to walk funny and tuck it into my sock or hold it from falling out of my shorts. I thought tugging might be acting as a stimulant but I wonder now if being uncovered acts as a stimulant and restoring is like quitting the drug of being uncovered. I meditated last night and fell asleep after consciously, so that before falling asleep, I could see shapes and intricate patterns of colours . It was intense. I also felt a feeling of flowing energy happening in my body, that had nowhere to go and was cramped by being stuck in my body, as if to say “I need to get out of here, I am trapped, there isn’t enough room for me in this body”. And my skull felt like it cracked open, and energy flowed out it then, and the pressure of feeling cramped inside my body was relieved. I put my tlc x cone through the washer and dryer or just got glue on it and it didn’t wash, it feels different, more firm and less grippy than the tlc tugger cone. I have been getting more grip using the tlc tugger cone with the tlc x. Sometimes the tlc x cone still gets more skin to grip though. I like having both of them. . I’ve been tugging about 175 days now I think and the best part about restoring is I can read peoples auras better. After I threw out so much garbage in my mind and emotionally processed so much of being circumcized, or more so the beliefs I had about myself and in general living in a culture that thinks circumcision is not significant to the persons life, I can see now when other people are Full of nonsense or not. At least to the extent I gained honesty in myself and threw out garbage in myself, I think I can have that much of a clear sense of other people’s clarity. The best sexual part of restoring is trying to use not the penis head to ejaculate, but trying to use just the frem rem. I am pretty sure every time I ever ejaculate ever, except when in a dream, the ejaculation is accomplished via the head flexing. I think I can flex just my frenulum rem maybe One day, and use that exclusively to ejaculate. Or maybe it doesn’t need to be flexed.

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      • #63
        I think there is new me , like there is a new version of me to emotionally process. At first I had to grieve, and be angry, and now I have to get better. Already having orgasms that are ten times better, ten times longer, and make orgasms prior to restoring look pitiable and laughable and really just bogus orgasms, like paying the price of ejaculation, the energy drain price, but not getting the good sensation of orgasm except for a split second , or in my case like 15 seconds was the most I could do two days into restoring . And now I can have a minute long orgasm easily. My orgasms are passive usually, I don’t flex my erection during while they are happening. But I am starting to learn to have longer orgasms while flexing too, I think of those as active orgasms. I could flex for about 15 seconds while in a lot of pain at the start of restoring . Now I can flex as much as I want without pain , unless I eat healthy for a bunch of days in a row and hydrate lots, in which case there will be pain if I flex too much. Adjusting to more high energy versions of myself is difficult at times. I like my personality best with the tlc x rod extended, and when I am having anything other than that, I think of that as a less good version of me. I have been learning to appreciate those versions of me. And considering hydrating better so that I can wear the rod extended more often. I have heard even bliss is a torture after a long time feeling blissful. I wonder if orgasms are the same, that eventually pleasure has a maximum limit and it stops being good. I used to be obsessed with having orgasms and making them as good as possible, and now I don’t care about orgasms. And the more I don’t care about them, the more I can care about them at the times when I do care about them. Whereas before it was like I was always running a low grade fever of being hot and bothered, and superficially having orgasms. And now I am totally not turned on , until when I am turned on, I am way more turned on than I used to be before restoring. Because all the time spent not turned on is charging up the power of the turned on time.

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        • #64
          I have been missing penis wetness. I have forgotten about it in the excitement of using the rod extended. Extending the rod as much as I have been has been taking away my wetness because it seems too much skin/glans tightness causes dryness, and a bit of looseness between the glans and pusher I think helps wetness. I think that because the quickest way I have felt my penis get wet these days has been by wearing the tlc tugger without a strap, which fits the most loosely. Or maybe with the strap is loose too. There is a really good feeling that happens when the right amount of wetness is achieved. I think wetness and good mood are linked, and a certain amount of tension for skin growth and good mood are linked too. Even with the rod not extended but just wearing one 24 mm stacker, I have not noticed distinct weTness, but I have noticed a bit of a penis smell, which I think precedes wetness. And my hydration has been off since getting the stacker so hopefully soon the extended rod can be allowing for wetness if I get my hydration right . Having an energy center that builds into energy Centers is cool because it makes me have a sense of having a home inside my body that I feel like the king of, the guest of, and that I feel good in , like I can talk to people from a good position emotionally, like the tank and the surplus are there for me to feed off, not just to give to others from the surplus is the point of having a tank, but also to give to myself. before restoring I could say hi to 100 people and maybe 40 would say hi back, and now probably 60 or 90 would say hi back. Because my energy resovior is letting me be content, so I am not needy, so therefore I don’t dissuade people from saying hi back with neediness. And saying hi to someone while feeling content is like giving them a gift to meet half way on that energy frequency of feeling content , with what they say back, and it is like getting a gift back when they match or add to the frequency with complementary energy. And it all comes from having a wet glans , and feeling good from that. It is so key. I have seen really hot women and thought I bet they are wet all the time whether they are horny or not, just by wetness being a sign of health. And I never would have guessed I’d one day think the same is true for me.

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          • #65
            The second stacker plate, each are 24 mm, I have not gotten in for a full day yet. But when I do for some amount of time fit it in, I feel like I have access to a new part of my brain. Like there is a signal being sent from my fauxskin / foreskin that unlocks a new dimension. The second stacker plate has given me sometimes a constant feeling of orgasm on a subtle level. Or a constant feeling that reminds me of orgasm, some aspect of orgasm, there is a constant sensation that is very satisfying. It is not a distinctly aroused feeling, but more like a full body tickle. And I had a new sexual experience with my fauxskin/foreskin, while wearing two stacker plates, and I got so far past the point of no return, and yet still didn’t ejaculate, it felt like normally 70 or 90 units of pleasure make me ejaculate, but wearing the stacker plates, suppressing the glans so much, massaging the skin on the stacker plate when it is stretched out, gave me at least 130 units of pleasure for a longer amount of time than I am used to. Today I wore just one stacker plate with the rod used just as an air blocker extended almost to the glans as to leave a cm worth of air, and I had lots of penis wetness by the end of the day. It had a pungent smell. I think that is because I am detoxing and because there’s more wetness to cause smell on behalf of the water and water rich foods I’m having for the last couple days. The smell was cool too, I thought it smelled hormonal, if I had to guess what hormones smell like. It smelled like an aphrodisiac, it could have fooled me that it was the smell of a vagina, it almost turned me on. I am detoxing as a byproduct of eating raw vegan, non orthorexic style, which is with avocados and lettuce and not over or under eating , unlike previous attempts. I have went raw vegan with a new perspective this time, because monocropping to eat the vegan junk food I like screws too many animals out of a home, and since I believe that my body is fruigivore plus maybe /probably a lettuce eater, therefore it is non vegan for me to eat a potato. In the past I have went raw to be healthy. Unless I grow my own potatoes to cook, or unless someone gives me ones they they aren’t eating, then I think I have no excuse to eat cooked food.

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            • #66
              It has been about a week of eating well. I have been gaining weight each day and feeling energized and calm as my criteria for if I am eating well and not orthorexic. Plus I have been using logic, eating lettuce, avocados, and sweet fruit. That seems balanced to me. It feels different to meditate as of the last 40 minutes I meditated; I laid in bed with bi neural beats and eyes closed in darkness like normal to meditate, as I have learned to meditate in a float tank, and this bi neural beats setup most closely resembles the tank. I normally watch my mind, and am fascinated by the good feelings I feel as I watch my mind without interfering with it. But most recently, my mind came to a stillness, and I laid there with the stillness. And it was a new level, normally I would think my mind needs to be doing something, or it needs to turn off. But I still saw fragments of light, and I saw blackness , but the fragments of light weren’t moving, and I just laid there with it content, and thought maybe this is as turned off as my mind can ever get, to just see blackness. And any more turned off than that isn’t actually my mind turned off but rather that I am passed out. It was nothing mystical or supernatural, and I thought I think this is a new better level of meditation than I have reached before, this is just being content to be in the moment without doing anything , isnt that top level spirituality? It only lasted maybe 30 seconds at most of having stillness before I kept seeing thoughts again or not watching my mind enough to recognize if there’s thoughts . But those 30 seconds showed me a new level that I am going to try to get to the next time I meditate. The other thing I like about eating well is my hair is looking way better, and so is my face. My eyes are less sunken in as I gain weight. And I feel stronger emotionally and physically. I have been drinking a gallon of water a day and have taken a before picture as to measure my progress of gaining weight. I have felt intense pain once or twice for about 10 seconds , presumably from muccoid plaque hydrating, and starting to peel off my intestinal walls. It was the type of pain that made me make a desperate face like I was about to cry. I felt so helpless . I have felt this pain before so I also am not concerned about it, because it always only lasts a few seconds or 10 seconds at most.
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              • #67
                I am not educated, here are my guesses as to how my body works in regards to the claim that circumcision was needed to prevent infection. I base this opinion on my YouTube research. So it is my self educated opinion. My body secretes cell shit out my piss. My lymph is not so clogged with cell crap that my body needs to use my skin or mucus membranes as organs to eliminate cell crap at birth. If my body was sick and diseased, then it could Eliminate cell crap out my skin and mucus membranes. ( sick and diseased means clogged lymph, and the body is only 3 things, blood, lymph, and cells. Every cell shits and eats. Every cell is coated with blood and lymph. Blood feeds and lymph cleans the cells. Lymph is fluid. ) But it would never do that if my lymph wasn’t clogged. And my lymph wouldn’t be clogged, except for what is congenital, when I was born, and therefore there was no need to expect my penis would exhibit signs of sickness ever, because the signs of sickness on the penis are cell shit being removed through the mucus membranes of the penis, and therefore it didn’t need to have the mucus membrane parts cut off of it to make those areas never being able to be used as cell crap exit points. If mucus membranes are used as waste disposal organs, that is a necessary response of the body, and without it, my lymph will become more clogged with cell crap then, because the waste the lymph was trying to escort out my mucus membranes that are now/then missing, will have to find an even more difficult exit point or become more trapped inside the body and start forming a mass or something. Saying my foreskin has to be removed to prevent infection , is the same as breaking off the flap on the lawn mower so that it is always off, rather than so that it can be down to prevent the grass from shooting out, and saying if it isn’t removed the grass will get clogged, so it has to be broken off, even though it has an adjustable latch. And In other news, I wonder if the penis head is the same as the cervix. And what medicine calls infection, I think of as cell crap exiting through that part of the body.

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                • #68
                  I have learned that ejaculation is the come down back to normal. I don’t know that it is part of the sexual experience anymore , as far as the pleasure is concerned. I have thought of orgasms as having three subcategories ; drain gasms, that leave me more drained, that are ejaculation focussed, as if the point is to draw as much ejaculate as possible and have the biggest amount of it. Then there are same gasms, where the build up of sexual energy is equal to the come down of ejaculating. And then there are gain gasms, or dry orgasms, or minimal ejaculate orgasms, and minimal amount of drawing in the ejaculate to put it on deck so to speak, like gain gasms never involve a compulsion to ejaculate, or coming close to the point of no return. Because if it involved that, they would become more of a same gasm or a drain gasm. Closer to the point of no return that is reached, it seems, the more ejaculate is drawn from the body and stored on deck to be released , stored in the groin it seems, like it saps energy from the body and stores it in the groin. The resistance to having a gain gasm, even though it feels so good so why not have more of it I think sometimes, is because without the ejaculation to bring myself back down to the same emotional /physical/chemical level I was at before aroused, then I have to adjust to Having absorbed that much energy , and that adjustment can be having the pains of growth that come with it. As to not grow too fast, I opt mostly for same gasms. When I am down, I have drain gasms. And when I feel confident and up I opt more for gain gasms. I think the same gasms are automatically turning into gain gasms without effort, like I am naturally getting bored with same and drain gasms and wanting more gain gasms . And drain gasms I almost never have. I used to feel guilt about having them because they left me in such a weakened position mentally and physically if I’d have too many. But since discovering more types of orgasm, now when I have drain gasms I can indulge in them more fully. Because I know I’m only having them rarely, so they aren’t going to deplete me much.

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                  • #69
                    Even a dry orgasm can be a drain gasm. The difference then between gain and drain gasm is the gain gasm is happening while a flex is being held on the frenulum remnant. I can’t prove I am flexing my frenulum remnant with movement, there is no movement that happens when I flex it. But I feel I am flexing it. As long as my flex has a good grip, and isn’t overpowered by the compulsion to go past the point of no return, then the orgasm continues to be gain gasm style. The test of how much pleasure I can achieve and withstand is how much flex can I hold against the pressure of arousal , that the more arousal pressure built up, the more pressure there is pushing against the flex, trying to over power the flex so that I have no strength left to flex at all, at which point when /if it is overpowered, I am then dragged by the pleasure into ejaculation with no control. If the arousal pleasure is too much it can also mentally overwhelm me that I simply forget to maintain the flex, even if I forget for a split second, then at that point ejaculation happens, or if ejaculation doesn’t happen, edging happens, and Edging is draining. Because each time the frem rem flex is lost or overpowered , at that moment edging begins, the ejaculation process begins, and even the beginning of it, during the pre cum phase or even before then, is still energy drain happening. For no energy leakage there has to be a super tight seal on the frem rem flex. Tighter the seal, more pressure can be built up , pleasure arousal pressure, and better the orgasm, more levels to it. I flex my frem rem while not aroused too and it makes me feel more assertive. I hold a flex on it constantly for minutes at a time. I could hold it for hours if not for forgetting. I don’t flex it fervently hard, it is a relaxed flex. I often remember off and on to hold the flex. I think while I hold the flex I am in my masculine side, and while I don’t hold any flex I am in my feminine side.

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                    • #70
                      the body is a self healing phenomenon , like if a bear bites off my penis, my body knows how to heal the wound, some equivalent of coterizing the wound, sealing the wound, my body would know how to do that. But with circumcision, the body isn’t designed to heal from such an injury, like it is an indirect injury, like removing the eyelids would indirectly injure the eyes , but the eyes would have no defence against The injury because the injury is indirect, the injury is the absence of the eyelid to protect the eye ball. The penis head and mucosal tissue have no defence against the injury of being exposed to the elements because it is not a natural wound that would happen in nature to be circumcised, the body never would have adapted to have to deal with a wound like this. circumcision is a lobotomy in an indirect way, by way of that circumcision is a wound that never heals, Unless someone restores. Why an unhealing wound is a lobotomy? Because a wound takes precedent in a hire archy of needs, that until it is healed, my mind does not want to think of other stuff except for healing the wound, it is a matter of motivation, circumcision removed my motivation to be intelligent about other things besides healing the wound. I didn’t know it was the circumcision wound causing me trouble, so my attempts to heal the wound were indirect; I became obsessed with getting off or getting high. being circumcized took my motivation to develop myself in other areas of life than wanting to get off or get high, because getting off and getting high were my ways of feeling better, and they’d only ever make me feel better for a bit, before I’d feel shitty again. It was an endless cycle that kept me stupid in so many other areas of life that I was missing out on in the meantime. How can I be a good conversationalist when I’m only concerned with getting off? How can I be a good dancer? Or a scientist? How can my mind develop at all? before restoring I lived on level 20 or below, since restoring I lived on level 80, dropped back down to level 20 and even below a bit, and then climbed back up and tapered off at level 40 where I am now, and I’m slowly climbing again. I took level 80 for granted and was also overwhelmed somewhat by the awesomeness of it, and that the levels show no sign of stopping, like it would have been on to level 90 and 100 and 110 , and I wanted a sense of finality, to be done growing and to reach a final form.

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