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Growing Up Without a Father, Women and Politics

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  • Growing Up Without a Father, Women and Politics

    When I was 5 years old my mother divorced my father due to his insatiable appetite of vodka, vicodin and (although speculative but with good evidence I have personally seen) other hard drugs. He was a principle of a high school, then a middle school. then an elementary school, to now working some field job, and I can only assume that he was knocked down a peg at a time only to be barred from the institution of education simply because of his former mentioned vices. I would visit him on a bi-weekly weekend basis and that would decline to once a month to not at all leading up to my twelfth birthday. His brothers used the court to strip his right to drive me from even the grocery store to his house/apartment (it varied) due to his continued drug and alcohol use. I have a distinct memory of being in the backseat of his pickup truck, his friend at the wheel and he in shotgun both drinking beer and joking around.) When I became older, around 16, I contacted him and began to ask questions upon his conduct to which he'd respond with, "my buddy ___ did the same and he didn't get in trouble" or "___ did this and his wife didn't divorce him". My father had many relationships prior to marrying my now step mother. Some of which, looking back now, were of such lower economic standpoint by dress alone that he may of just been using them for sex, I don't want to venture as far to say they were prostitutes. My father married his now wife when I was around 12 and they had a daughter. A girl of half my blood that I haven't met past her infancy. The matter of whether or not I will include her in my life is yet to be seen. Some people tell me, as I am her older brother I should reach out but to myself I believe that if she finds out I exist it should come of her accord if she'd like to have me in her life. Being 21 now I didn't recognize how much growing up without a father really stunted my journey to becoming a man, one I am still on, I didn't recognize how controlling my mother was of my atmosphere. (I didn't know the word f_c_ until 9th grade, very sheltered.) This year I reached out to my father again and when he answered the phone he said, "what's up?" as if we had talked earlier that morning when in reality we hadn't spoken ON THE PHONE in over a year and in person in over 3 years. I responded with, "it's your son" and he said something to the fact of, "yea you haven't called/contacted me in awhile". At this point I knew exactly where I was in our relationship. My father is a child in a 52 year olds body. He is unable to accept his faults nor admit when he has made a mistake. He is unable to be the adult in our relationship. So like all good stories, I cucked and said "hey so I am 21 now and there's no point in asking you to give me a childhood or be a father because those are something that are past their time and you cannot provide but what I'd like to possibly give your life value to my own is your own life experiences" to which he rattled on about education for 45 minutes. We haven't talked since but for context it was just me being talked at about what I already know. I'm in my fourth year of pursing a degree in Genomics and Molecular Genetics as well as Russian Language, I plan to PhD and go into private research in an attempt to immortalize my surname, my father's name..., in science. I have an almost OCD obsession with doing well in school, I know my english is lacking but that isn't my focus. So what my father had to say to me was pretty much all hot air. My father is a diagnosed bipolar nonspecific and if all else fails will blame his actions on that. He and his now wife have "Stockholm syndromed" each other and all I can imagine is the hell my sister leads. Explaining my relationship with my father isn't hard but in effort to keep this short I skimmed a lot. If you have any questions I will expand.
    TL;DR My father is unable to accept his actions have consequence and has made no effort to be a father to me for as long as I can remember choosing either a new family, a daughter, and/or drugs instead.

    When it comes to my mother, although in prior topics I have explained how hypocritical she was/is when it came to male vs female genital cutting, she is unable to recognize her faults or her mistakes. In her eyes she is a monolith of moral good. Once she has recognized I have routed her in an argument she will resort to emotion and move the goal post of the discussion in her favor, "I gave up the best years of my life for you", "I could of just sent you to live with your father and you know how much he would of neglected you". The former worked until I entered college. I may come off as heartless now but it is impossible to tell the story of my childhood in a few paragraphs, Thus whenever the topic of my childhood comes up I berate her. My mother raised me to think my needs came after hers. I would be afraid to ask for money for school, a new backpack/shoes etc., because she would constantly tell me how short on money we were. I wasn't allowed to be upset because my mother had "sacrificed so much for me". You can imagine how much this mentality fucked me. Recently I started questioning her entire relationship with my father. Because logically speaking before they got married and the 3 years before I was born there HAD TO BE red flags my father was giving out that he wouldn't be a good parent. He wouldn't be a male she should invest her eggs in. But no the story remains that he turned one day and she thought she could handle it, she could fix it, and because my father is such a bad man her life is the mess it is.
    TL;DR My mother can do no wrong and every bad thing that has occurred in her life is due to random chance and no lack of foresight on her part.

    I had to emotionally/mentally mature at a very young age in order to help raise my childish parents.

    It shouldn't be hard to imagine my mental state and my opinion of what it means to being an adult and how my political ideologies have formed because of this. I am a personal responsibility absolutist and because of this I come off as heartless and seemingly hypocritical to my own childhood and what I longed for. I am against infantilizing women in all forms, for example I am in favor of inhibiting TAX FUNDED abortions, I am for the smallest government possible, I only want taxes for roads, police, military, fire, mail, and education (k-12) with a move back to traditional ideals. I want to live in the middle of nowhere and own land, guns and grow my own food whether this is in the taiga of Russia or northern America. I am a free speech absolutist, hate speech is free speech, if someone told me to my face I deserved to be gassed because I am a "ciswhiteheteronormativemale" I would ask, "and now why do you think that? Can you back up a reason to enact this legislation following facts and reason that would lead to a more prosperous America?' not throw a riot and turn my town/university to ash because my feelings were hurt. "The greatest disinfectant is sunlight and if anyone you politically disagree with is evil, evil you truly believe, give them a microphone and they will be shouted down by the public". All of my political leanings fall back on "your choices have consequence". If you have sex and produce a child and it would starve because of your incompetence you should have to live with that. If you believe sexually subsidies should be a thing(tax funded abortion and contraceptive), then every person paying for them should be given sex available when they want it. See the logic? Stop making me pay for sex I'm not having. Anyone who says they care about children but isn't actively working to decrease the national debt or cut universities off at the knees to spend their subsidies on their students instead of new buildings is a hypocrite. People don't truly care about the poor or homeless because otherwise we'd have a home for every veteran before we accepted any and all refugees. I am really skimming here but if any of your political ideologies lead to"saving someone down on their luck" you are doing so because it elicits you to feel good about yourself. I am pro local and all private charity. I AM AGAINST FORCED GOVERNMENT MANDATED "COMPENSATION" BUT INSTEAD COLLECTIVE AND FREELY GIVEN SOCIETAL INTERVENTION. If your retort to the former is, "if the government didn't mandate it it wouldn't happen" you may be speaking the truth but you deny human reality. To write down the names of every person below to minimum wage line of America in the world, over 3.5 billion names back to back, no breaks and averaging six seconds a name, would take you 500 years. You don't care about Joseph Alan Wood nor Sabib Mandily, you care about making your brain believe it is of good conscious. Stop forcing others to collectively pay for your selfish dopamine high. Again I can elaborate further if necessary.

    When it comes to women I am utterly disgusted more than I am pleased. The modern American 18+ year old woman is a revolting sexually induced playground of daddy issues and mental gymnastics. I WISH I could be religious. I WISH I could believe there is a god and we have found him. I WISH I could have a "little house on the prairie" due to the former statements. But I know these wishes fall of deaf ears of women who would rather ride any and all dick until they're thirty then hit the wall and recognize vagina isn't a scarce resource and try to find some self-esteem lacking beta who'd marry them anyway then get divorced 15 years later. Suffice to say I lost my virginity to someone who wasn't a virgin and I grapple with it almost every time I think about my future. I desperately want to be the father I lacked. I want to marry and die with the same woman. I want to build love and trust but I feel like used goods already. Dating sucks especially when you begin flirting and find out the chick that looks like she'd never even talked to a guy has had sex with three guys.





    Currently on the cusp of being completely confident in claiming c4 and will begin dating my progress here whence accomplished.

  • #2
    All this and no foreskin?

    Comment


    • #3
      Wow, I don’t know what to say without sounding dismissive. Believe me I am not trying to be.

      It is good to see that you personally are rising above your upbringing and have solid plans for your future. I wish you every success.

      From what you have said about your parents, they have a lot of their own issues going on. No point in trying to get them to take ownership, it is something that they need to do for themselves. Indeed, if they even what to. They are adults, it’s their life to live the way they want to. Just as yours is yours to do with what you like. Which by the way sounds like you are and will do great things.

      Remember, love is blind. It truly is. It makes us blind to each other’s faults. So even if the signs were there all those years ago, your mother properly never would have noticed them. Here’s something to make your head spin. If they didn’t get together, then where would you be? We are all born out of random events in other people’s lives. Some hit the jackpot because of being born to the “right” parents, others must struggle through life.

      I am sorry that your life so far has tainted your view on woman, there really are some good ones out there. You need to keep searching and searching can be fun.
      Woman have similar sex drives to men in that there is a biological need to reproduce. The pleasure of sex comes from this primal need, although most people don't like to admit it. If it didn't feel so good, then people won't do it. The late 20th and this century has given them a lot more freedom to express this and are encouraged to do so. Men can no longer deny them this and yet retain that freedom for themselves. So not surprising that your first time wasn’t with a virgin. As long as you didn’t get some nasty virus, why would it matter? It really is their problem if they give their rides away so easily. Having said that I do understand where you are coming from, no one really wants to go where thousands have gone before.

      This bit of advice may help, it certainly changed my perspective when I heard it a long time ago. Life is about choices, sometimes the choices that we make limit the future choices that are available to us. Sometimes people need a helping hand to open up better choices for themselves.

      Don’t be too hard on them, but be there to provide support and guidance when you can.

      Anyway, I hope that you find your centre and not get too hung up on what other people do or how they choose to live their lives.
      Live and let live.

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      • #4
        You need a therapist. "Growing up", aka maturing, will take you in one of two directions. The legacy is an almost guaranteed influence, and there are strong signs of it now. So.........you need a therapist.

        Comment


        • #5
          Wow! Fishkeeper! That was quite a post for the Father's Day Weekend!

          I recently read somewhere that about 9% of families were headed up by a woman back in the 1960s (when I was a kid) because of abandonment by the father. Today that number has grown to 30%. So we have an epidemic of kids growing up fatherless.

          I have suggestion for a book for you to read! I'm sure you will devour it:
          "Father Fiction: Chapters for a Fatherless Generation" by Donald Miller.
          (also previously released under the title "To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father")
          https://www.amazon.com/Father-Fictio...+donald+miller

          Donald Miller is a Christian inspirational writer who has written many books, some of which became New York Times Bestsellers. I don't consider myself Christian, and I don't ordinarily read Christian inspirational works, but with this guy I make an exception. Boy can he write! He is just inspirational, to Christians and non-Christians alike. His books are an easy read, and hard to put down. They are great for summer beach or pool-side reading. They are also great for when there is nothing to watch on TV.

          There's one sad fact you get from "Father Fiction" though. Statistically, males who grow up without an adult male role model at home don't do as well in life on average as those who do. It doesn't even matter much if that adult male is disabled, wheelchair-bound, or even bedridden. Just having someone with the adult male perspective around has a positive influence on the development of a young male.

          I've been able to find Donald Miller's books at local suburban libraries.

          David
          World As Monkey Island
          I declared myself finished restoring with 3/4 erect coverage (CI-8.5) in 2005. I primarily used T-tape, strapping up and around my waist.
          I've participated in NORM meetings in San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle (RECAP), and Ann Arbor, Michigan.

          Every doubt, reservation, or concern I had about my restoration was resolved by achieving additional LENGTH.....So just KOT !

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